Kundalini Splendor

Temple of the Sacred Feminine

NEW WISE WOMEN VIDEO GROUPS WITH SHEILA FOSTER BEGIN SEPTEMBER 6

WISE WOMEN WAKING UP
Meeting What Is, As It Is--Whatever It Is
Sheila Foster, MA
~~
Two  Groups Forming ~ Tuesday September 6, 2016 -
February 14, 2017 for
Women 50+ Years Wise
~~
Twelve 90-minute Video Conference Sessions
 Two different time slots - see details

EARLY BIRD TUITION EXTENDED TO SEPTEMBER 1
THERE IS A SEAT FOR YOU IN THE GROUP THAT IS FROM
10 AM - 11:30 AM MT;  12 PM -1:30 PM ET

~ Are you noticing emotional ups and downs, old issues being triggered, physical issues rising to the surface?

Are you experiencing a myriad of other expected and unexpected large and small shifts of consciousness in you and changes in your Life?

Are you feeling a Call to be with other like-hearted women to sit in sacred space to explore what's happening with this huge energy shift and the liminal times we are all in, and what it is for women aged 50+?

 DETAILS

"We are all just walking each other Home."
                  ~ Ram Dass

~~~
 Go to: www.templeofthesacredfeminine.com

A new website will be up soon!

I AM NOW AVAILABLE FOR IN-PERSON SESSIONS IN BOULDER

Please email me to arrange a phone call if you have questions: temenosctr@aol.com

  CLICK HERE TO CONNECT WITH US ON FACEBOOK
Temple of the Sacred Feminine ~ Boulder, CO ~  Email: temenosctr@aol.com

                             
                          Sheila Foster, MA

 I have been working with women since 1978 and founded the Temple of the Sacred Feminine in 1987, a sacred, liminal space where women can follow their longing and enter into Sacred Feminine Initiations. My work is rooted in a Jungian-transpersonal perspective as well as my own direct experiences since childhood. I invite women who are longing to directly experience their own lives as the Mystery and see the face of the Divine Feminine.

I work in Boulder and with individuals, offer online sessions & groups, present to already-formed groups, and offer retreats, workshops, and trainings.

Join Our Mailing List

New Consciousness Network, 1304 South College Avenue, Fort Collins, CO 80524

REMINDER


TOMORROW EVENNG AT 7:30 CARITAS BOULDER WILL SPONSOR A PANEL DISCUSSION ON KUNDALINI.  ALL ARE INVITED!!

I will be one of the panelists.  I will be speaking primarily on my own Awakening Experience and what I have learned from it.

THE WINEMAKERS

The winemakers claim
 that only they know how to brew,
 that age itself
is the key
to the celestial drink.

But some of us
could not wait—
we got dead drunk on the first sip.

Dorothy Walters

(from Some Kiss We Want: Poems Selected and New)

Some suggestions for purchasing "Some Kiss We Want" and also "Unmasking the Rose"

If you go to the Amazon source for "Some Kiss" you will find a purchase price much cheaper than that offered by the publisher. "Unmasking the Rose" is offered now at a very inexpensive price. It is the account of my own spiritual awakening through Kundalini, tracing its unfolding over many years following the original intense experience of rapture flooding the body in one who was seemingly quite unprepared for such experience. It is one of the few such accounts written by a contemporary woman.

OF COURSE

There is some kiss we want
with our whole lives,
the touch of Spirit on the body.
— Rumi

Yes, of course,
that is the thing we want, touch of Spirit
on body,
delight of soul enfleshed and opened,
trembling at last,
how could we not remember
how it was before,
when You were not there,
when all we had
was this cloud of longing
and did not even know
what it was
we were looking for?

—Dorothy Walters

(from "Marrow of Flame," now included in "Some Kiss We Want: Poems Selected and New")

I am happy to announce that my latest book––entitled SOME KISS WE WANT: POEMS SELECTED AND NEW––HAS BEEN PUBLISHED.

It contains the best poems from my previously published four books of poetry, written over the previous sixteen years.  Andrew Harvey wrote the Introduction.  The hardback version is now available on Amazon as well as other outlets,

The title is take from this poem by Rumi:

There is some kiss we want
with our whole lives,
the touch of Spirit on the body.

Seawater begs the pearl
to break its shell.
And the lily,
how passionately it needs some wild Darling!

 At night, I open the window
and ask the moon to come
and press its face into mine.
Breathe into me.

Close the language-door,
and open the love-window.

The moon won't use the door,
only the window.

Rumi
(tr. Coleman Barks)

Likewise, the poems in this volume reflect the yearning of the spirit to unite with our physical selves, in a way reminiscent of what can happen during the Kundalini experience.

In his introduction, Andrew Harvey says:

Of all modern visionary poets, Dorothy Walters is, to my mind, by far the wisest and most radiant. I wasting to write“by far the best” and then checked myself: such triumphalism would betray the deepest of all Dorothy’s qualities, both as a person and as a poet, her gently relentless humility forged from profound experience.

Here are some of the other endorsements:

PRAISE FOR SOME KISS WE WANT

These astonishing poems in Dorothy Walters’ "Some Kiss We Want" are at once a revelation and an incantation, humble and illumined, ecstatic and naked in the raw wounds of awakening. They are imbued with the fiery taste of the constantly disappearing sacred on the tongue. Mainly they are a call, as Walters says, to “ forget everything you know and open.” —Eve Ensler, playwright, performer, feminist, activist, The Vagina Monologues; In the Body of the World; The Good Body

In “Some Kiss We Want,” Dorothy Walters effortlessly weaves mystical jewels from all the living traditions—Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, and the Abrahamic lineages—with succulent poetic language. The tapestry that emerges from the warp of wisdom with the weft of beauty is a magical carpet. Fly this book straight into the arms of the Beloved.
—Mirabai Starr, spiritual teacher, writer, mystic, The Interior Castle: St. Teresa of Avila; The Showings of Julian of Norwich; God of Love

The poetry of Dorothy Walters is rich with wisdom and heart and the wordsmith’s skill, but most importantly it has presence. Each poem rings in the mind and works a strange alchemy in the soul, leaving us giddy and hungry for the secret contact of spirit and body. Some kiss indeed! —Ivan Granger, editor, Poetry Chaikhana, Real Thirst, Poetry of the Spiritual Journey; The Longing In Between, Sacred Poetry from Around the World

Dorothy Walters has the heart and vision of a mystic and is rooted firmly in the ecstatic tradition, where the divine overflows into daily life. Her poems invite us into this holy mystery, kindling deep joy and love in her readers. Reading her poems becomes an act of prayer itself, inviting us to slow down and savor what is already within. —Christine Valters Paintner, PHD, online Abbess of www.Abbeyof theArts.com and author of 7 books on spirituality and the arts
.
Dorothy Walters' poetry is inspired, arising from a deep immersion in her own awakened heart. Let her words resonate with your own heart.
—Sally Kempton, author, Meditation for the Love of It; Awakening Shakti.

I think your poetry is beautiful and profound. The poems I have read are exquisite and to be treasured and they remind me strangely of Rumi.
—Anne Baring, The Dream of the Cosmos; The Mystic Vision; The Divine Feminine (with Andrew Harvey)

The ancient yogic texts tell us that poetry drips like ambrosia from the tongue of the yogi who has awakened Kundalini-Shakti – the divine feminine that rests within. They tell us that these sweet-as-honey words are a sign – a sign that you are in the presence of a true mystic.
Read Dorothy Walters’ words in this marvelous volume and you will have no doubt that you are in the presence of both an authentic mystic and a great poet. —Teri Degler, author, The Divine Feminine Fire: Creativity and Your Yearning to
Express Your Self

Dorothy Walters is the real thing because for her spiritual experience is primary, and her poetry (like a continuing fountain) comes out of that. She actually has something to say beyond the existential 'me' and the otherwise verbal complexity of poetry that has only 'words' to say. Like all true spiritual and mystical writers, her language is grounded in transparency and grace; and it resonates: her poems are a witness and a transmission. She's part of the perennial stream, and there her work will remain; refreshing weary travelers of all ages now and in the future. I salute her. —Jay Ramsay, author, Kingdom of the Edge; Out of Time; Places of Truth; Monuments; Diamond Cutters

Crossing the border into the boundless domain of Source and returning is the epic journey of seekers on the quest for direct experience of the Infinite. Of those that truly make that journey, most are struck dumb by the magnificence of what lies beyond and how it reveals Itself to be fully present in every moment and everything. Fortunately for all who read her poetry, Dorothy Walters has been gifted with the rare ability to express in words the sounds and scents, the visions and insights, the feelings and the mind-obliterating Love that her encounters with the Infinite One have birthed in her body and soul. This fine collection of her poetry will call to the hearts and souls of all who read it and beckon them to read her other works in full! —Lawrence Edwards, PHD, Founder and Director, Anam Cara Meditation Foundation; Author: Kali’s Bazaar; Awakening Kundalini: The Path to Radical Freedom.

Parallel worlds exist and interact with our world, say physicists
New theory explains many of the bizarre observations made in quantum mechanics.
(from Mother Nature Network)

BRYAN NELSON

Parallel worlds

Do parallel worlds ever cross paths?

Quantum mechanics, though firmly tested, is so weird and anti-intuitive that famed physicist Richard Feynman once remarked, "I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics." Attempts to explain some of the bizarre consequences of quantum theory have led to some mind-bending ideas, such as the Copenhagen interpretation and the many-worlds interpretation.

Now there's a new theory on the block, called the "many interacting worlds" hypothesis (MIW), and the idea is just as profound as it sounds. The theory suggests not only that parallel worlds exist, but that they interact with our world on the quantum level and are thus detectable. Though still speculative, the theory may help to finally explain some of the bizarre consequences inherent in quantum mechanics, reports RT.com.

The theory is a spinoff of the many-worlds interpretation in quantum mechanics — an idea that posits that all possible alternative histories and futures are real, each representing an actual, though parallel, world. One problem with the many-worlds interpretation, however, has been that it is fundamentally untestable, since observations can only be made in our world. Happenings in these proposed "parallel" worlds can thus only be imagined.

MIW, however, says otherwise. It suggests that parallel worlds can interact on the quantum level, and in fact that they do.

"The idea of parallel universes in quantum mechanics has been around since 1957," explained Howard Wiseman, a physicist at Griffith University in Brisbane, Australia, and one of the physicists to come up with MIW. "In the well-known ‘Many-Worlds Interpretation’, each universe branches into a bunch of new universes every time a quantum measurement is made. All possibilities are therefore realised – in some universes the dinosaur-killing asteroid missed Earth. In others, Australia was colonised by the Portuguese."

"But critics question the reality of these other universes, since they do not influence our universe at all," he added. "On this score, our "Many Interacting Worlds" approach is completely different, as its name implies."

Wiseman and colleagues have proposed that there exists "a universal force of repulsion between ‘nearby’ (i.e. similar) worlds, which tends to make them more dissimilar." Quantum effects can be explained by factoring in this force, they propose.

Whether or not the math holds true will be the ultimate test for this theory. Does it or does it not properly predict quantum effects mathematically? But the theory is certain to provide plenty of fodder for the imagination.

For instance, when asked about whether their theory might entail the possibility that humans could someday interact with other worlds, Wiseman said: "It's not part of our theory. But the idea of [human] interactions with other universes is no longer pure fantasy."

What might your life look like if you made different choices? Maybe one day you'll be able to look into one of these alternative worlds and find out.

This theory reminds me of the famous Robert Frost poem:

The Road Not Taken
 Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could 
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim 
Because it was grassy and wanted wear, 
Though as for that the passing there 
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black. 

Oh, I marked the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way 
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh 
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
 Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, 
I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.  

Note:  I can easily deal with the notion that one must often choose between two (or a few more) possibilities in one's life.  However, I think it would be dreadfully confusing if each branch split into many other branches and so forth until the whole would be a mishmash of lines, none clear or distinct, a great glob of possibilities.  For me this theory smacks of science fantasy, not fact (though possibly it might be somewhat true, if there were only a few universes parallel to our own.)

(image from internet)

This is an announcement from the Caritas Center.  It will be of special interest to anyone experiencing Kundalini awakening or who is curious about this spreading phenomena.
I was not able to capture the photos of the presenters.

Panel Discussion on Kundalini Yoga Meditation

Saturday, August 27, 7:00pm

$20; Caritas Members: $15

Moderator: Vijay Gupta

Vijay is a professor emeritus of CEAE and a fellow emeritus of CIRES at the university of Colorado, Boulder. Scale became a pervasive theme in his highly interdisciplinary collaborative research, which has uniquely ranged from the molecular to the planetary scales. Vijay is the co-founder and CEO of the International Institute for Simplified Kundalini Yoga (IISKY), a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization. Vijay studied and practiced SKY with Tatvagyani Vethathiri for four decades bringing a strong sense of richness to his life and work. He is currently investigating the deep unified science that SKY philosophy offers. See https://cires.colorado.edu/emeritus/vijay-gupta under current research.

Panelists:

Dorothy Walters, PhD:
Spontaneous Kundalini Awakening: The Direct Path

Dorothy experienced spontaneous, dramatic, and virtually full Kundalini Awakening while she was teaching at Wichita State University in Kansas (Women's literature and Women's Studies). She had heard of Kundalini but had no background and little knowledge of Eastern practices or thought. She knew nothing of the inner (subtle) energies, and had never meditated nor done yoga. Her Kundalini awakening threw her into a state of rapture (ananda) and changed her life forever. Then a long process of balancing and integrating these new energies began. She had no guide or guru to lead her on her journey, but followed the promptings of the " Guru Within."   Dorothy has published four volumes of mystical poetry stemming from her own awakening experience plus a spiritual autobiography entitled "Unmasking the Rose: A Record of a Kundalini Initiation," all available from Amazon. She writes a blog at www.kundalini splendor.blogspot.com and has a Face Book page. Contact her at dorothywalters72@gmail.com. The Beloved still visits from time to time.

Yogacharya Dharmananda (Swamiji):
Different Siritual Experiences of Awakened Kundalini

Swamijiis a preeminent scholar and teacher of the Science of Yoga, Hindu Philosophy, and Comparative Religion. He has been the Director of the International Vishwaguru Yoga and Meditation Institute (Rishikesh, India) from its inception to November 2010. He is now permanently settled in America and is living in Loveland. His lectures, especially his mode of presentation with humor, stories and anecdotes, have earned him wide acclaim.

Indira Bhatt Gupta:
Kundalini 101

Indira co-founded the International Institute for Simplified Kundalini Yoga, a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization, and serves as its president. Her unparalleled passion to bring consciousness into modern scientific arena through mind and meditation is life long. Her background in psychiatry and counseling inspired her to teach SKY system through retreats and workshops worldwide for four decades. She is dedicated to bring personal to planetary wellness through individual personality transformation for conscious co-evolution. Currently, she lives in Boulder, Colorado and collaborates with her husband Vijay on research projects involving the origin of consciousness based in pure space or Brahman. See, https://www.cires.colorado.edu/emeritus/vijay-gupta under current research.

Rachel Zelaya:
The Healing Potential of Awakening Kundalini

Rachel Zelaya (Surinderjot Kaur) has been practicing yoga since she was 12, but her life changed dramatically when she began practicing Kundalini Yoga at age 36. She became a certified Kundalini Yoga Teacher in 2011 and immediately went to West Africa to teach civil war refugees Kundalini Yoga in Liberia.  Upon her return, she opened a community-based Kundalini Yoga Center in Boulder, with the help of dozens of other teachers and students. Her mission is to make this life-changing practice available to all who are interested, and to help co-create a community center which encourages and supports transformation and spiritual evolution through many different modalities and practices. Rachel has a Master's degree in Classics, and especially enjoys teaching women, people struggling with addiction, couples/relationship work, and working with individuals to help them heal and empower themselves to walk toward their destiny, using the tools of Kundalini Yoga and Meditation. She has certifications in the Yoga of 12 Step Recovery (combining yoga and 12 Step meetings), and SuperHealth (Kundalini Yoga for addictions, trauma and stress), as well as specialty Level 2 trainings in Authentic Relationships, Conscious Communication, and Lifecycles and LifeStyles. www.AdiShaktiCenter.com.

 The body dies but the spiritual quantum field continues. In this way, I am immortal,” says Dürr.
Dr. Christian Hellwig of the Max Planck Institute for Biophysical Chemistry in Göttingen, found evidence that information in our central nervous system is phase encoded, a type of coding that allows multiple pieces of data to occupy the same time. He said, “Our thoughts, our will, our consciousness and our feelings show properties that could be referred to as spiritual properties…No direct interaction with the known fundamental forces of natural science, such as gravitation, electromagnetic forces, etc. can be detected in the spiritual. On the other hand, however, these spiritual properties correspond exactly to the characteristics that distinguish the extremely puzzling and wondrous phenomena in the quantum world.”
Physicist Professor Robert Jahn of Princeton University concluded that if consciousness can exchange information in both directions with the physical environment, then it can be attributed with the same “molecular binding potential” as physical objects, meaning that it must also follow the tenets of quantum mechanics. Quantum physicist David Bohm, a student and friend of Albert Einstein, was of a similar opinion. He stated, “The results of modern natural sciences only make sense if we assume an inner, uniform, transcendent reality that is based on all external data and facts. The very depth of human consciousness is one of them.”
Although there is no definitive concrete evidence for this theory, one could arguably afford some weight to these claims if some of the most brilliant minds in quantum mechanics believe that it is consistent with the general patterns and trends of modern science. If proven, this theory could have monumental implications; if humans do “download” their consciousness into a thus far unobservable field, then a person’s consciousness could, in Dürr’s words, truly be immortal.
Source: outerplaces.com

 I find the above post very interesting. So far, these seem to be theories, rather than fact, but it is worth following this topic as it continues to unfold. As for me, I strongly believe in the continuation of consciousness after death. in fact, I have remembered a couple of my own past lives.  I think that science is just now catching up with certain truths that have been known by certain wise ones for aeons.  I sometimes wonder what we do in the "interims," those times in between incarnations. I hope we will be allowed to be helpers for those still on earth.

Love,  Enlightenment, and the Near Death Experience

Tonight I watched a T. V. program on the Biography channel focusing on the Near Death Experience. Three NDE survivors told their stories--one was Barbara Harris Whitfield, a friend who is also on the Board of the Kundalini Research Network. As many may know, a Near Death Experience is considered to be much like a Kundalini awakening, and the groups follow parallel paths in many ways.

I will not relate the individual stories here, other than to say that the three persons who described their experiences all left their bodies, and were judged clinically dead for many minutes, one for almost an hour. All told of the bliss and serenity they felt as they watched the medical teams labor below to resuscitate them, and of their reluctance to return to their physical bodies with its attendant pain and challenges.

Each one told of feeling as though they were enveloped in a vast field of love while they were no longer connected with their physical beings. They felt that this--their spirit body--was their real identity. When they “returned” (and recovered) they brought with them a new realization of the true values of their own lives. As Barbara put it, they knew that the truth lay “inside” (the life of the spirit)rather than “outside” (the world of “things” and mundane activities.) For each one, love became the supreme focus of their lives, and loving and receiving love the most important aspect of living.

It occurred to me after I watched this program, that what they learned is also the lesson of Enlightenment itself. The lesson is that reality (truth) in fact is a great field of energy whose tone and texture is love itself. To be enlightened in the ancient sense is to learn that one is merely a part of this great sea of love energy, and that loving others is the supreme reflection of this truth.

So--we do not have to sit in a cave and bring the energies up through the Sushumna in order to reach Enlightenment (though this is one method, for it may culminate in union with divine love). Nor must we undergo a Near Death Experience to reach this state. There is another way and it is open to each of us every minute of our lives. It has nothing to do with religion or religious institutions as such. We need only to practice love, to offer and receive love, and know that we are all connected through love. This is what Ram Dass urges in the title of his latest book, “Be Love Now.”

Thus--we can each Be Love Now and Be Enlightened Now. It’s that simple.

Here is what I wrote to the friend who wrote to me sharing her story:

I have just reread your letter and do have some comments.

First, the various stages you have been experiencing are vary familiar, for they are common signs of spiritual awakening.  It is significant that this awakening occurred during a time of personal crisis.  That happens often, even to people who do not consider themselves “religious” or even “seekers.”  It is as though “something” waits for the proper opening and then the experience is triggered

As for the many swings between joy and despair, that is also very common in the awakening experience.  It is as if you are discarding all the old clothing, all the feelings and habits that once defined “you,” and are entering a new state, a fresh recognition of "who you really are.”  Actually, this is like a remembrance, a return to your true self as you came from “source.”

Your old self does not fit properly into this new identity.  The old clothes no longer fit.  You are now having to learn to “live in the two worlds”: one is the familiar mundane (work, old friends who do not share this vision, people who are very much still in “the cultural trance”)––and the other world, where you now have a knowingness you could not have imagined before.  Your old concerns have disappeared and now all that is not connected to the path you are now on is, in fact, boring.  You long to be with more "spiritual” folk, who share aspects of your experience.

You are in transition and all transitions are hard as we adjust to this new reality.  It is as if you are literally evolving into a new state of being.  Believe it or not, such transitions are now happening over the globe.  We are all now somewhat more connected through the internet, but still many of us feel lonely and isolated.  However, things are getting better, believe me, as more people tap into this new reality.  Some call it creating a field of shared consciousness, and some say that this is in fact part of evolution of human consciousness, which all will share in eventually.

And—I do not think you have only two choices––to become a hermit or “taking it” and becoming ill in the “normal” world.  There is indeed a middle way.  Right now you are struggling to incorporate this new identity into your own system.  The newer models of anything often have kinks and blocks that need to be taken care of.  But eventually, things level out and then one can “carry the gift back home” (Joseph Campbell).  One does this by using the gifts one has (everyone is different) to help others move ahead on a path similar to your own.

I think you are lucky to have someone to share with.  I went through my experience virtually totally alone, with no one even to talk to, this for 15 years.
It was a very difficult journey, but well worth it from my point of view.

As for what you should do now––just relax and let the experience itself show you the way.  I think it is significant that you love the Vedas and the two spiritual teachers you mention.  I believe that extreme wisdom is to be found in such sources.  This is wisdom that much of the modern world has ignored or forgotten.  The test is always whether it speaks to you or not.

Congratulations.  You are now on a profound spiritual path, one which is not always easy but one that will enrich your life immeasurably in the end.  You are awakened, and will continue to be even more so as you move ahead.

Thanks again for opening your heart in this way.  Feel free to write again whenever you like.

Love and blessings,

Dorothy

As you collect these experiences/symptoms from people I thought you might be interested to know my physical symptoms from the "awakening":

- severe depression
- swelling/odema all over body that would come and go, especially arms and legs (i was given thyroid medication to treat this but it only resolved when I stopped the medication and started a yoga practice. My thyroid lab results were normal - the medication was given by an alternative doctor who thought my symptoms were worth treating with medication)
- aches and pains in my joints
- other "hypothyroid" symptoms including hair shedding, feeling the cold, goosebumps would come and go all the time (even on hot summer days!)
- debilitating chronic fatigue (I took a significant period of time off work or only worked minimal hours for several years)
- night terrors - these were fascinating and probably deserve an entire email!
- disrupted sleep/waking multiple times during the night to urinate (adrenal symptom)
- seeing pin prick white lights or sparks in my vision (i was given an EEG to test for epilepsy but nothing showed up)
- a few episodes of "phantom smells" (also why the EEG)
- sensitivity to chemicals/fragrances/foods that never bothered me before
- almost complete alcohol intolerance
- the lights in my apartment would flash on and off rapidly (this also probably deserves an entire email!)

There might be more that I have forgotten. I will let you know if I remember any more.

Recently, I have been in correspondence with a woman who is undergoing Kundalini Awakening.  Here is her description of the early stages of her process.

Hi Dorothy

Thank you so much for writing back! I would be very happy to chat to you via email. You were mentioned in the BATGAP interview with Andrew Harvey: https://batgap.com/andrew-harvey/

About 5 years ago in 2011 I had an experience of a permanent shift in consciousness and a change in my perception of reality. This came out of nowhere. I was not a "seeker". I had dabbled in yoga and meditation (TM) but just as "lifestyle" interventions - exercise and stress relief etc. However at the time this shift happened, I had been through a lot of traumatic life experiences (divorce, cancer in the family, loss of my business, moving house) all at once and it seemed to result in what I thought at the time was some sort of dissociative depression. One day I seemed to "wake up" and realised "oh my God, I EXIST. What is this? Why am I here? Why is no one talking about the fact that this (reality) is happening?" All of a sudden I had seen reality in a different way and I could not "un-see" it from this perspective (no matter how much I tried). I became convinced that life was a dream, pointless, meaningless, that everyone who was concerned with "everyday" matters was an idiot, and all I wanted was to die. Everything started to look "weird" to me. Humans looked strange and odd, nature seemed incredibly miraculous. I realise now that I was seeing things in a more "objective" way, without the usual conditioning and judgments.

This did not pass, and eventually I started taking an antidepressant, and things shifted, but never went back to normal. I stopped being depressed, but the new way of seeing things (as unreal/alien) never left. It was as though I had this "zoomed out" perspective of life. I was observing it, but no longer "in it". While I started to feel better and healthier on the medication, I still felt a great distance from the old "me" personality. I continued to think this was dissociation due to traumatic events that may just never resolve. I felt very different, but just "got on with it" as best I could.

When I started on the antidepressants and my mood improved, another interesting thing started to happen. I started to have experiences of extreme bliss and "knowing", where information about how to live life (I don't know how else to describe it - maybe universal truths/moral ideas) would just come to me in a "download". 4 years on, I now recognise these "truths" as statements from Vedic thought. At the time I didn't know what Vedanta was. I'd read a few new age books, but my background was in psychology/science/business. I had a few experiences where I felt that I was very connected to those around me and I was able to approach people and situations with a new sense of joy and love. These were only temporary and passed quickly.

Life continued as "normally" as it could but unfortunately things took a turn with my health and the depression returned. I decided to stop taking the antidepressant medication and things got way worse. "Bad" things kept happening in my life. It felt like everything was fallign apart. I was losing everything I knew to be true and "mine". My moods would swing like crazy, and I developed problems with chronic fatigue. I was sick and utterly exhausted. Eventually it led to a type of nervous breakdown. I stopped working for a period and focused on "getting my health back" by trying all sorts of natural remedies, cleanses, diets, energy healing etc. I now recognise that I was in a "dark night of the soul".

This is where things started to get interesting. In 2013 I met a man in the natural health "scene" (I was hanging out at vegan cafes, doing cleanses, trying all the physical diet stuff to heal myself) who introduced me to a husband and wife who were energy healers (crystals etc.). There was something about the husband that drew me in. I felt so happy and content (and not depressed!) around him. He didn't even have to do anything. Within a few minutes of being in his presence, I would feel better. I became friends with a few young guys who also felt this way when around. We'd hang out at their shop (run by his wife) and go out to dinner with them sometimes. When I was with them I had so much energy. I could stay up all night. I also started to have some weird experiences (more extreme bliss states, sleeping problems, psychic experiences, "seeing" energy move, feeling like I was "in love" and in states of ecstasy, doing weird hand gestures).

The guys and I felt kind of like his disciples (but he asked nothing of us; he just told us to "be ourselves". He gave no teachings and asked for no money). I felt a very strong connection with the other guys and one night I had a psychic feeling/vision that we had all been in a past life together around the time of Jesus Christ. The next day, the "teacher" told me out of the blue (we were just sitting in silence together at his shop) that my experience the night before was correct and that I was there at the time of Jesus Christ - that we all were. He said that he was the reincarnation of Jesus. I still don't know what to make of this. I don't know if I believe in reincarnation. I do however think that this man might be the closest thing I have ever seen to a saint.

Unfortunately these blissful moments and states were still all temporary and I would eventually come crashing back down to earth (and become extremely depressed) when confronted with "the real world". I developed an intense interest in spirituality (this is when I discovered the term "seeking") and felt bored with most people and topics other than spirituality. I felt disconnected from my old friends who didn't share these experiences with me. I oscillated between feeling ecstatically happy and content when in my spiritual "zone" and suicidally depressed when forced to go back and face the "real world" where I no longer fit in. I swung between believing that I was in spiritual crisis (it was the world that was wrong, not me) or that I was mentally very sick and needed to be medicated (I had depression and chronic fatigue/chronic pain).

Eventually this merry-go-round of ups and downs completely exhausted me and I decided that I had two choices: either leave Western civilization and become an ascetic or go and seek medical treatment for the depression and fatigue and try to re-join "normal life". By this point (2015) I had become very isolated, doing a minimum amount of consulting work and seeing very few people, other than my "spiritual" friends (even then I had periods of depression where I was not well enough to see them). I felt good around my teacher/friend, but I couldn't spend my whole life hanging out at his shop and drinking tea. It wasn't an ashram and he was not taking on formal disciples! haha. I think his wife was starting to get a bit annoyed by this group of young seekers who didn't have enough money to pay for "official" healings (that was their business after all). But the "teacher" didn't seem bothered by it. His wife was the one who organised the business and their livelihood (And fair enough - they had to pay rent).

In mid 2015 I decided to seek medical treatment for the depression and had rTMS therapy and went on a tiny dose of Prozac (10mg per day). By the end of 2015 I was feeling much better. I started a romantic relationship with someone I have been very close with for a long time, we moved out of the city to a beautiful house with lots of land and started a quiet, peaceful life with lots of yoga, healthy food and time in nature. In late 2015 I discovered BATGAP and Vedanta literature and it felt like FINALLY some of the pieces of the puzzle of what has happened to me have started to come together. I recognise that I have had a spiritual awakening and change in consciousness. Although I don't know that I would call it kundalini as I never felt the energy surge through the spine etc.

Now, half way through 2016, I am still processing the changes in consciousness that have occurred. The world still feels very "unreal" to me. I have lost sense of time. I need to spend a huge amount of time alone and in silence. When I feel "well", this is all ok. I feel at one with the universe, I can easily manifest things that I desire, everything is in flow. However I still have periods of feeling overwhelmed by it all. This generally happens if I have to spend too much time "in the world". I lose my connection to God. I become terrified that I live in some fake computer simulation. I feel there is something missing because I can't feel connected to friends in the way I used to. I no longer share their concerns about the "day to day" world and get bored and easily tired when socialising. I don't desire things in the same way I used to (this is positive, but it also means I am not as ambitious as I used to be). I don't really feel that I am the same "me" anymore. The personality/consciousness shift has been so huge that I don't feel like "my old self". In some ways I feel more like I did as a child - genderless, non-sexual, just a "being". I still have remnants of my old personality, but I am not attached to things in the same way I used to be. I have absolutely love reading Vedanta literature - reading Swami Vivekanda and Swami Rama Tirtha can make me feel so uplifted and pull me out of moments of despair. This is funny as I was never religious as a child or adult! I am 35 now. (although as a child I was very interested in the occult, ancient Egypt and mysteries etc.). As an adult I was into the corporate world - making money and travelling and shopping!

So I am left feeling this - what am I supposed to do now??? I am no longer able to really function normally in the "real world" without having episodes of fatigue and chronic pain (if I spend too much time working or with "normal" people I will need to sleep for 12 hours to get over it!). However I do not want to renounce it all and become a monk or a nun. Is there a way to integrate into a new way of being that isn't so tiring? I continue to oscillate between periods of feeling great (work goes well, everything is in flow, I feel connected to God) and periods of feeling flat (work stagnates and becomes difficult, I am physically exhausted and in pain, I feel empty and flat).

I feel that I need some sort of purpose, but at the moment life just feels like Groundhog Day - a ride that never changes and that I can't get off of. I feel disconnected from other people because it's like everyone sees the world as being red, and I see it as being blue. I feel like there's a giant elephant in the room that only I can see and it drives me nuts! I only know one other person who has seen the world the same way I do, and he has chosen to spend most of his life in isolation as a hermit. I would prefer not to take this path but at the moment I feel like I am stuck between two options that I am not keen on - "faking it" in the normal world (exhausting) or renouncing it all and becoming a hermit. Is there a "middle way"? For me, it requires so much physical effort and energy to try to live this middle way.

Wow - I have just written an essay for you. I hope some of this makes sense. Any advice you could give me would be wonderful!

0n YouTube

Vivek Govekar--Episode 11--The Dark Side of Kundalini

Talks about many common experiences, such as no longer being able to be with friends who do not understand your experience, no longer being able to do you job as before, feeling like you are not the person you once were.

This man has several videos on YouTube, but this one is especially relevant to anyone undergoing Kundalini awakening.   Indeed, this discussion captures the experience that many of us undergo upon spiritual awakening.

Caritas is located at 5723 Arapahoe Ave. in Boulder.

I will be one of the presenters.


(image from internet)

Recently, I ran across these notes I took from an earlier talk by Sally Kempton as part of a Webinar series she was doing.  Sally is, I believe, one of the two or three major teachers of the wisdom traditions speaking and writing today.  This talk focuses on Kundalini and is indeed an authentic description of the process.  Many "teachers" on the current scene ignore Kundalini altogether.  Apparently they lack any first hand experience, but Sally knows Kundalini well through her personal Awakening.

Some Highlights of Sally Kempton's webinar talk of Oct. 12

When she was having problems with her Kundalini early on, she was told by a guru that the cause was that the energies were rising in the wrong channel.  But when she consulted with Muktananda (her later guru) he laughed and said that the powers of Kundalini would come up as the way you need.

The traditional techniques of yoga were designed by males and for the most part practiced by males.  This approach stressed the need to control the energies--through breathing, asanas, and such--but these were practiced by males who were generally very strong.  In the 70's when students were taught to force the energies to come alive, there were many Kundalini casualties.

When Sally had an unexpected awakening, she had some sudden shifts in her abilities--she could now do visualizations easily, and also could do t'ai chi effortlessly.  Both of these had been quite difficult for her before. And she now felt self accepting--no longer was she the neurotic, self loathing person she had been before.

Rather than trying to control the energies, we should allow them to direct us.  Kundalini is the expression of the divine feminine--it never sleeps.  It should be approached with reverence and love.  It is also the underlying creative force of all that is.

Some traditional techniques are still used--as breath, meditation, and prayer.  Traditionally, the awakening begins in the lower chakras and moves upward.  But it can open in other places, such as the heart or the head.

It often feels like a caress.

This sensation arises from the presence of the goddess in our body.  "She" makes love to us from the inside.

Kundalini is rewiring us through the divine feminine.

The inner essence of Kundalini is love.

Caught in this Spell
(for the Beloved Within)

Caught in this spell
of you
I cannot move.

Your sounds
flow like
a river of light through
my veins.

Your words tear open
my heart.

Who are you
that you summon me
in this way?

How can I answer
your call?

Dorothy Walters
December 17, 2008

(This is a poem I wrote several years ago, but I feel the same about the Beloved today.
Yesterday morning, I was listening to music (Brahms' Third Symphony) on my computer when suddenly I felt sweet flows of energy in my hands and arms and then the upper chakras.  I fell into a different state of consciousness as I intuitively began hand dancing.  I did not try to control the flow, but rather let it direct my hands into various positions, all executed gently and delicately.  Each moment became one of bliss consciousness.
Obviously, the Beloved chooses its own time to appear and reassure us of its constant presence.)

P.S. If anyone else has had experiences similar to this, I would like to hear about them, either on this site or through e-mail at www.dorothywalters72.gmail.com

Like two golden birds perched on the selfsame tree,
Intimate friends, the ego and the Self
Dwell in the same body. The former eats
The sweet and sour fruits of the tree of life
While the other looks on in detachment.
.
As long as we think we are the ego,
We feel attached and fall into sorrow.
But realize that you are the Self, the Lord
Of life, and you will be freed from sorrow.
When you realize that you are the Self,
Supreme source of light, supreme source of love,
You transcend the duality of life
And enter into the unitive state.
.
The Lord of Love shines in the hearts of all.
Seeing him in all creatures, the wise
Forget themselves in the service of all.
The Lord is their joy, the Lord is their rest;
Such as they are the lovers of the Lord.
.
~ Mundaka Upanishad, Modes of Knowing
(via The Inner World Retreat Center)

A few weeks ago, Andrew Harvey came to Boulder to make a video interview of me.  That video can now be viewed on his website.  To see it, go to





www.andrewharvey.net
then to column called "get involved"
then to "media"
then "video"

Andrew has always been my friend and indeed my mentor.  He often writes the intro to my books.  He is one of the most unusual people I know, someone who throws his whole being into raising spiritual awareness and helping people move forward on their own spiritual journeys.  He is a master speaker, writer, poet and indeed an inspiration for us all.   He has written over 30 books and presents his message over the world.  He is a deep scholar of Sufism and Rumi, and knows virtually all the spiritual traditions.  He is a strong believer in the role of the Great Mother and the need to acknowledge the Divine Feminine.

 He loves animals and leads groups to view the white lions in Africa, for he is deeply involved in the preservation of these beautiful creatures.  He also leads groups to India, where he was born and which he knows in depth.  He is the teacher that I always learn from.  He is profound in his scholarship and eloquent in his language.  I honor and love him for all he has given me.  It was Andrew who started me writing spiritual poetry and who has nourished and encouraged me in my writing ever since.

Andrew Harvey - The Ultimate Reality: Ecstatic Joy

This is a brilliant presentation on YouTube on the nature of Ultimate Reality (God).  It deals with satchitananda––being, consciousness and bliss.  Of course, for those of us who know Kundalini, the entire phrase refers to the flow of divine ecstasy through our own subtle bodies and thus throughout our physical beings.  (I tried to share this talk from YouTube, but it did not work).  Look it up under the title above.  It is priceless.  It confirms what we discover as truth when we  become bliss and experience oneness with the divine.

Dorothy Walters One more coincidence: The hiker who joined Ann and her friend said he had always wanted to see a moose, but on the Carousel he got to ride one––just like Gail.