Kundalini Splendor

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Thursday, July 08, 2004

For Robert Bowden: On Inner Guides 

Dear Robert,
Recently, you wrote to me on e-mail asking for my thoughts on a question pertaining to both outer and inner guidance. Unfortunately, when I attempted to respond, my computer deleted your message before I captured even your e-mail address. Your question was quite thought provoking, and I am writing a partial response here, in the hopes you will see it and that you will write again.

As I recall, you asked about the wisdom of relying on "inner" guides, such as (I am interpolating here) spirit guides, or the spirits of departed saints, or perhaps angelic beings, gods and goddesses and deities of various types. (These are not the terms you used, but various practitioners do rely on such immaterial beings to lead them on the spiritual path.)

Now, I cannot speak for others, but can only share my own experiences in this realm. Earlier in my life, I was deeply inspired by symbols of the great goddess herself, as depicted in western culture. For some time, I felt a deep connection with her (like many women of recent times), but ultimately her "felt presence" seemed to grow less vital, and I moved on.

About this same time, I seemed to connect with a true "spirit guide," but broke the connection when something seemed not right about the relationship.

Then, when my major "awakening" occurred, it sprang from deliberate visualization of the god/goddess (shiva/shakti) in union. This meditation is an ancient tantric practice, and has been used for centuries to awaken the inner energies. (I did not know this at the time. I was a total novice.) However, after my early efforts, I soon moved on to other choices. For a time I visualized Krishna, and that seemed to provide a less intense, more manageable arousal of the energies. Ultimately, I left all images behind, and now focus on the energies themselves, often as "currents of bliss," derived from the universal life source; I then dedicate the entire experience to the healing and transformation of the world and all its life forms. In other words, ecstasy and compassion are joined. (When no ecstasy comes, then compassion is always available.)

Kundalini herself is for many the "goddess of goddesses." For me, she represents the energetic force which lies behind and beyond all the symbols and representations of the goddess, both east and west. Kundalini seems to possess a palpable intelligence, which directs the awakening process as it unfolds, now urging forward, now holding back. When she makes her presence known, I feel in touch with a living presence, which I most frequently think of as "the beloved within."

However, this still does not answer your question directly. Again, I can speak only from my own subjective experience. For me, the bottom line is that I do feel in touch with what I can only call a "divine presence." This presence is not particularized by name or form, but is rather sensed indirectly, felt rather than perceived. We do not "converse," in a usual way, although occasionally I do direct specific questions and even solicit help on particular issues. I sometimes characterize this "wisdom voice" as the "inner guru," but I give it no further distinction, other than as my own inner guide, leading me gently and unobtrusively on the right path for me. This inner guru is always there, often in silence, yet available when needed. This unseen consciousness seemed to lead me through the kundalini process through the years, when I had no outer guide. At times the journey was quite difficult, but ultimately I survived.

As I sort out my thoughts, it seems that my "inner guide" has more than one face, just as we as conscious beings do. Sometimes "she" appears as bliss, sometimes as thoughtful observation, sometimes as creative source for poetry. In all of these manifestations, she is leading me ahead to new levels of discovery. Perhaps she is my own "higher self," perhaps more than that. I bow to her before practice, and I feel that she in turn bows back--that I am essential to her own expression, just as she is essential to mine.

I think each of us has such an inner guide, who waits until we are ready, to reveal the next stage of our path. I think the common saying, "When the student is ready, the guru will appear," refers to this inner guide, which to some degree is our own innate wisdom and fullness discovered more completely.

For the most part, my contact comes through devotional practice--which often consists of listening to sacred music or poetry, or performing ritual movement, including mudras or bodily poses. At these time, it sometimes happens that I sense the energy body open with a special delight which includes a feeling of being entered or filled with something invisible but indeed wonderful. It is a sense of total love, total acceptance, total fulfillment. It is, in one person's words, as if "god is moving through your body."

As for advice, I think I would say this: The dedication to the divine which manifests without name or form usually arises late in one's spiritual journey. (At least, this is what I have been told.) Before that, one yearns for some more tangible guide, something to give needed direction and encouragement. The danger of focusing on an "inner guide," I would suppose, is that one might end up simply "speaking to oneself" without knowing it, that the "higher being" is in fact merely a projection of one's own imagination. However, if the advice offered is sound and the approach pure, then perhaps the connection is useful. After all, who is to say where the "smaller self" and the "higher self" begin and end?

I guess my final word is, choose the approach which seems right for you. Test your choice against your feelings--are you comfortable with this relationship? Does it seem to lead in the direction you wish to go? Do you feel that this is a connection of beneficial results, opening you to new levels of awareness? If it makes you uncomfortable, if it creates anxiety or makes you uneasy, then I would say, "drop it," no matter what the seeming benefits are. It is easy to get off track with "inner guides," just as one may be misled by certain outer guides.

Robert, I hope I have presented your question with reasonable accuracy, and that my answer is helpful. Thank you for writing, and for raising this intriguing issue. It has caused me to think more deeply about my own life, and to sort out some of my thoughts about the matter. Above all, I hope you discover this open letter to you, and that you will contact me again soon.

Many thanks for your original e-mail. I'm glad you liked "Unmasking the Rose," and wish you all success in your own spiritual journey.

Many Blessings,
Dorothy

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