Saturday, October 30, 2004
Secret Pleasures, Private Griefs
Secret Pleasures, Private Griefs
For years, I inveighed against those who insisted that bliss was a stage to be transcended, a state to be overcome. I indulged my ecstasy, marveled at its sweet fullness, sought its constant return. It was my secret indulgence, a personal treasure which I neither shared nor rejected.
Now, strange to say, I seem to have a different perspective. I no longer crave ecstasy. I value the quiet moments, the lovely small happenings which ornament the day. I long for stability, well being, good health, abundant energy for the familiar tasks. I have a new mantra: ‘Be steady. Be steady. Be steady.”
Partly, I think, I am longing for inner balance in order to avoid the dramatic swings between pleasure and pain which I typically experience when rapture returns. Partly I am trying to deal more directly with the various aches and pains which accompany the aging process. (I don’t like to admit to these—after all, kundalini is supposed to cure all ills.)
And I am also seeking strength to look more fully at the pain and suffering in the world, some near at hand among friends, some in other parts of the world. The load of grief among sentient beings is immense, and I do not want to refuse awareness of this fact.
Moreover, I have had a full cup of ecstasy in my life. My hunger has been assuaged. It is like a favorite food or distant land, which one experiences or revisits until satiety is reached. One does not reject the repetition of the experience. But one no longer “has to have” it in one’s life.
Yet, having said all of this, I know that the bliss will return, in its own time and on its own terms. Again and again, I have declared the end of bliss, and always I have been proved wrong. Sometimes it is weeks or even months between recurrence. But then a piece of music, a quiet meditation with a circle of friends, a meeting with an advanced soul or loving friend—can awaken the old energies, send the self once more into the transcendent reality which (at the moment) take precedence over all else.
For years, I inveighed against those who insisted that bliss was a stage to be transcended, a state to be overcome. I indulged my ecstasy, marveled at its sweet fullness, sought its constant return. It was my secret indulgence, a personal treasure which I neither shared nor rejected.
Now, strange to say, I seem to have a different perspective. I no longer crave ecstasy. I value the quiet moments, the lovely small happenings which ornament the day. I long for stability, well being, good health, abundant energy for the familiar tasks. I have a new mantra: ‘Be steady. Be steady. Be steady.”
Partly, I think, I am longing for inner balance in order to avoid the dramatic swings between pleasure and pain which I typically experience when rapture returns. Partly I am trying to deal more directly with the various aches and pains which accompany the aging process. (I don’t like to admit to these—after all, kundalini is supposed to cure all ills.)
And I am also seeking strength to look more fully at the pain and suffering in the world, some near at hand among friends, some in other parts of the world. The load of grief among sentient beings is immense, and I do not want to refuse awareness of this fact.
Moreover, I have had a full cup of ecstasy in my life. My hunger has been assuaged. It is like a favorite food or distant land, which one experiences or revisits until satiety is reached. One does not reject the repetition of the experience. But one no longer “has to have” it in one’s life.
Yet, having said all of this, I know that the bliss will return, in its own time and on its own terms. Again and again, I have declared the end of bliss, and always I have been proved wrong. Sometimes it is weeks or even months between recurrence. But then a piece of music, a quiet meditation with a circle of friends, a meeting with an advanced soul or loving friend—can awaken the old energies, send the self once more into the transcendent reality which (at the moment) take precedence over all else.
