Kundalini Splendor

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

Merrilee Experiences Visions of the Cross and the Crucifixion 

To read earlier posts of Merrilee's ongoing Kundalini awakening, see the following blog entries:

October 11th - Kundalini and Sex
October 26th - Divine Union
November 1st - Kriyas, Inner Visions, Hidden Messages
November 4th - Merrilee and Mechtild of Magdeburg
November 8th - More from Merrilee
November 12th - Merrilee's Journey Continues
November 15th - Merrilee's Journey Continues
November 18th - Merrilee's Story Continues--A Study in Contrasts
November 20th - Merrilee's Mystical Vision
November 26th - Merrilee Encounters the Shadow

In the following episodes, Merrilee describes deep inner visions of the cross and the crucifixion along with its aftermath. She herself seems both to witness and experience what she is seeing. Merrilee comes from a Catholic background, and now the images which reside in her psyche emerge as powerful archetypes, which in effect "live through her." Such surfacing of latent visionary material is fairly common in the awakening stages of the Kundalini process. It is as if one becomes "conscious of the unconscious" in a new way, and thus she herself experiences that which she contemplates.

On Saturday, November 19th, I listened to the Trance Tara CD.

During the first track, I experienced the same arm and hand “dancing” that I did last week. My arms and hands took on a life of their own and moved to the beat of the music, as did my head on occasion, all while I was sitting in a chair. I also experienced some neck stretching, and I had a few orgasms.

Ironically, my mind was very busy thinking about mundane things while this was going on. I felt like my consciousness was totally split, like someone/something was moving my body around while the “real” me was thinking about such things as what I was going to eat later!

During the second track, I again started the arm and hand dancing, but shortly into the track my whole body became quiet. Then my head started to move, and it traced a cross over and over. The movements were up and down, side to side, large and small, all in time to the music. After “doodling” the cross for some period of time, my head started to trace a circle, which I interpreted as a halo, over and over on the upper part of the cross. During all this I felt present but in an altered, trance-like state.

A couple of times the halo “doodling” stopped and my head went down to my chest and then spasmodically jerked up. In my altered state, I felt like I was hanging on a cross! That feeling was enhanced later when my head fell to the side (a position reminiscent of crucifixes I’ve seen), my hands came up to the level of my shoulders, and I had a very slight feeling of nails in my hands! Sometime during this, the phrase “Christ Consciousness” popped into my head. Shortly after that I went completely away, i.e. I went unconscious.

I came back to consciousness when the CD ended. My arms and hands and eventually my legs started dancing again, even though there was no music. The dancing soon stopped, and my hands were put in the Pran mudra position - tip of thumb touching last 2 fingertips, with second and third fingers sticking straight out. Shortly after that, my right hand was opened and my fingers were straightened and then curved slightly. My hand started shaking, as it always does when I do healing, and I had a vision of Dorothy’s entire body. I did an intense healing on her for quite a few minutes. And then the session was over.

When I went swimming sometime later, I experienced some arm and hand "dancing" while treading water! It went on even as I was talking to a friend, and it lasted about 10 minutes. I think I could have stopped it if I had wanted. This split consciousness thing is very interesting but also somewhat disconcerting.

I also find this crucifixion vision rather upsetting. My ex-Catholic self doesn’t even want to go there, doesn’t want to think about such things, because I don’t know what to make of them or how to put them into my current spiritual world-view. At the same time, I feel somewhat embarrassed when writing about this crucifixion vision, because it seems presumptuous of me to interpret things the way I did.

And, to add to the confusion, my mystic self appears to be fascinated by all things of a Catholic nature, including the ritual “hardware” (ciborium and/or pyx) that I saw in a previous listening session, and the many mystic women saints that I love to read about.

I have decided that I will just continue to go with the flow and let whatever happens be OK.

On Sunday, November 20th, I listened to the 4th through 7th tracks of the Chakra Dance CD, which is different from the Chakra Chants CD in that the music is much faster and has a very strong beat. Jonathan Goldman created this CD so people could actually dance while doing a Chakra meditation.

4th chakra track –
I began with my usual “dancing” while sitting in a chair, but this time it started with my legs and torso, which again makes me think that someday I really have to get out of my chair so I can truly dance. Later my arms and hands joined in and started doing some very intense, fast movements because the music was so fast.

This time I opened my eyes and watched myself dance for awhile, and I found it much less disconcerting than in the past. I even started to get into it and enjoy it.

5th chakra track –
During this, the throat chakra track, my hands spent 90% of the time near or actually touching my throat. They pointed at, tapped and rubbed my throat over and over. They seemed to have a mind of their own. I again experienced a split consciousness with the “real” me just watching my hands do their own thing.

My hands even went into both the Pran mudra (tip of thumb touching the last two fingertips, with the second and third fingers sticking straight out) and the Apan mudra (tip of thumb touching the middle two fingertips, with the second and fourth fingers sticking straight out) while pointing at my throat. All of this was done to the beat of the music. And at one point the fingers on both my hands pressed very hard on my throat, but it didn’t hurt.

During the last minute or so of this track, my hands started pointing at, tapping and rubbing my mouth. As the track ended, both my hands covered my mouth.

6th chakra track –
At the beginning of this third eye track, the finger tips of both my hands came together. I later learned that this is the Hakini mudra, which has to do with concentration and memory. It benefits the brain, third eye and lungs, while also balancing the left and right side of the brain. My hands were put in my lap in this position, and they never moved during the rest of the track. I then felt like I entered an altered, trance-like state where the “real” me was just a little tiny circle off to the side.

Once again the phrase “Christ Consciousness” popped into my head, and I started seeing visions with my third eye, while my physical eyes were closed. The visions looked like the negative of a black and white photo, and they began with the face of the crucified Christ as it appears on the Shroud of Turin. When this disappeared, various parts of a Christ-like face starting popping in and out of my vision, including a cheek with a beard, a pair of eyes, and some long and tangled hair. Then I started seeing parts of a Christ-like body – a chest with pronounced ribs, bent legs, a side, and hips in a loin cloth. These things kept coming into focus and then fading away into the darkness.

7th chakra track –
My back was arched slightly and my head was put back. My elbows were put on the arms of the chair. My hands were put up by my shoulders, facing somewhat up and out, and my fingers were curled a little bit. I started to feel some heat and pain in the palms and backs of my hands, especially the right one. Eventually it felt like there were nails in my hands and I was hanging on a cross.

I started seeing visions again, and this time they were in color. I saw people taking a body down from a cross. I saw other things, but I couldn’t quite distinguish what they were because it had gotten very dark.

Eventually my head started to move to the beat of the music. It went up and down and left and right. It did figure eights, and it just plain shook. My eyes began to twitch, like they do during REM sleep, to the beat of the music. At the same time my jaw and mouth started to move like I was talking. This was also in sync with the music. And I was still feeling like I was hanging on a cross while all of this was happening.

Suddenly all the movement stopped, and I had a vision of the mouth of a cave or a tomb. It was dark, like at dusk. I saw views of the mouth from a couple of different angles. Then a white mist, which I interpreted as a spirit, started flowing out of the cave and up into the sky. When this started to happen, my arms were lowered and my forearms were put on the arms of the chair. After about 30 seconds or so of watching the mist, the CD ended and everything went dark.

When I went swimming later, my arms and hands started to “dance” again while I was treading water. My wrists began to hurt, so I consciously stopped the dancing. I then felt a lot of unpleasant tension in my arms, and I started having lots of orgasm. It was like the energy had to go somewhere! I closed my hands into fists to protect my wrists, and let my arms move again. The orgasms stopped, and my arms danced for about another 10 minutes or so.

Again, my ex-Catholic self is uncomfortable with these visions that seem to be about the crucifixion of Christ, his body being taken down from the cross, and what appears to be his resurrection – not to mention the feeling that I myself am on a cross! But this is what I saw and felt, and so I continue to just let whatever happens be OK.

I am truly unclear as to what all this means. I do know that when I was between 12 and 14 years old, I asked God to give me the stigmata – the marks of the nails on Christ’s hands and feet, plus the marks of the wound in his side and the crown of thorns. Part of the reason I even thought of this when I was a kid is because my birthday is on the feast of the stigmata of St. Francis of Assisi.

It would seem that, in my recent visions, I am getting some variation of my stigmata wish.

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