Kundalini Splendor

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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Merrilee's States of Consciousness 

To read earlier accounts of Merrilee's awakening, see the following blog entries:

October 11th - Kundalini and Sex
October 26th - Divine Union
November 1st - Kriyas, Inner Visions, Hidden Messages
November 4th - Merrilee and Mechtild of Magdeburg
November 8th - More from Merrilee
November 12th - Merrilee's Journey Continues
November 15th - Merrilee's Journey Continues
November 18th - Merrilee's Story Continues--A Study in Contrasts
November 20th - Merrilee's Mystical Vision
November 26th - Merrilee Encounters the Shadow
November 27th - Merrilee Experiences Visions of the Cross and the Crucifixion

Recently, Merrilee has been contemplating her various states of consciousness. Here is a recent description from her e-mail today (November 30).

My K energy is really cranking today, i.e. I have a lot of it.

I just got out of a meeting where I practiced the fine art of having orgasms while keeping a straight face, and I did this even while looking directly at other people! The only things that moved were my feet (under the table) and my torso, but not noticeably. When my energy is this high, I can have orgasms any time I want by either just visualizing energy going up my spine or by moving my fingers a little. What an interesting life I am having!

Meanwhile, back to the states of consciousness I mentioned earlier. I have come up with a preliminary draft of how it feels to be me these days. I experience the following states, which are, for the most part, mutually exclusive:

1. A mundane, ego-based, consciousness - a "small" self - where I am just my ordinary, everyday self. Lately when this happens, I am not a very happy person. I much prefer the states listed below.

2. A split consciousness, where my "Higher" Self (Inner Beloved) is present and doing something - hand mudras while listening to a CD, for example - and my small self is thinking about what I want to eat for dinner.

3. A blended or dual consciousness, during which I am both my small self and my Higher Self. The degree to which I am my Higher Self varies considerably. For example:

- My Higher Self is only mildly present, but enough so to make me feel very good even as my small self is running the show.

- My Higher Self is medium to very present. When I am like this around others, I switch back and forth between my small self and my Higher Self consciousness. When I am alone, my Higher Self runs the show and my small self just goes along for the ride. (Note: This is the way I have been most of today.)

- My Higher Self is very, very present and my small self has become a tiny speck off to the side of my consciousness. This happens when I am having intense, drawn out visions, and this is when I feel, to quote Catherine of Genoa, that "My me is God".

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