Kundalini Splendor

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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

How Merrilee's Awakening Began 

To read earlier posts by Merrilee about her Kundalini awakening, see the following:

October 11th - Kundalini and Sex
October 26th - Divine Union
November 1st - Kriyas, Inner Visions, Hidden Messages
November 4th - Merrilee and Mechtild of Magdeburg
November 8th - More from Merrilee
November 12th - Merrilee's Journey Continues
November 15th - Merrilee's Journey Continues
November 18th - Merrilee's Story Continues--A Study in Contrasts
November 20th - Merrilee's Mystical Vision
November 26th - Merrilee Encounters the Shadow
November 27th - Merrilee Experiences Visions of the Cross and the Crucifixion
November 30th - Merrilee's States of Consciousness
December 4th - Merrilee's Morning

Although I have posted several descriptions from Merrilee about her unusual Kundalini awakening (aren't they all?), I have not included her description of the very first moments and stages of her jouney. So I am now posting these initial descriptions, some of which foretell her later journey. She notes that she is (and always has been) a very sexual being, and her descriptions often are quite explicit. Some readers may be surprised, but Merrilee herself is quite comfortable with her "visitations from the goddess." This acceptance on her part has made her journey much easier; if she had rejected or tried to repress what was happening, she might have encountered many more difficulties on the way.

Her experience is not typical; in fact, it is (to my knowledge) unique. The Kundalini process can include all levels and types of awakening experience, but each offers some valuable insight into what this mysterious force is and how it can play out in individual experience.

Sept. 17th, 2005

My dear Dorothy ,

I am a 58 year-old (today is my birthday) Lesbian who is have a Kundalini Rising experience. It’s just 2 weeks ago that I attached the label “Kundalini Rising” to what has been going on with me for probably the past year or year and a half.

I bought both your books from Amazon. I haven’t read much of either of them, but I get a K-energy spasm whenever I pick them up, and also when I read one of your poems.

Below is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent to a friend today about what’s been happening lately:

E-mail sent to a friend today, Sept. 17th:

…It is thrilling and frightening. I am now having some other experiences, which I think are called kriyas. I was having them on the higher Chakras when I listened to the Chakra Chants CD. Now I am having them on every Chakra and much more intensely. Basically, various parts of my body start to move on their own, sometimes very, very fast. Sometimes it's almost my whole body. Supposedly energy blockages are being cleared. And last night it happened while I wasn't listening to the CD. I was just watching TV!

The K-energy orgasmic spasms are still with me, maybe 50 - 100 a day, some mild and some intense. When I touch things that are either supposed to be magic, like crystals, or books that I think I'm suppose to read, I sometimes get a K-energy spasm. What I mean is I think I can tell that things are "magic" or important to me if they ramp up my K-energy.

Some of the stuff I read on the web about Kundalini experiences continues to scare me, including about one woman who I think died because of it, so I've stopped reading a lot of it.

I have been so ramped up on K-energy that I haven't been eating or sleeping much. That's part of the process, according to what I've read. It's a helluva way to lose weight!

Today is my 58th birthday. I had some sugar and wine yesterday, and I am feeling very, very tired today. Won't be doing much sugar in the future, for sure, but the wine is tempting. The only problem is it really ramps up my K-energy as I start to lose my buzz. That's why I think I had the kriyas last night while watching TV. (End of e-mail)

Back to you, Dorothy -

I was raised Catholic and have always been spiritual, but I am now allergic to organized religion. I’m also allergic to gurus, masters, swamis, priests, preachers, etc. The only one of these who I have positive feeling about is Matthew Fox and his creation-centered spirituality. I read his book “Original Blessing” in the 1980’s, and I have read some of the works of the 12th/13th century mystics Hildegard von Bingen and Meister Eckhart.

At the age of 12 I decided I wanted to be a saint. Around age 13 or 14, I asked god for a stigmata (the marks of Christ’s nails on hands and feet, and the mark of the crown of thorns). Shortly thereafter, I decided that this was a bit presumptuous and egotistical of me, so I asked for just one little stigmata mark that only I could see. I was really asking god to prove to me that he existed. Well now, with my K-energy stuff, I feel like I got my stigmata and my proof that the goddess does indeed exist!!

There is so much more to tell you – and so much more left for you to read down below, so I’m going to stop except for two important things: The things that I think caused my Kundalini Awakening.

The first is a series of meditation CD’s called Holosync by a company called Centerpointe. They take you down to the theta and delta brainwave levels, the levels that experienced Buddhist monks go to while meditating. I’ve been doing them for two years.

The second is something like a homeopathic potion, which is supposedly the Philosopher’s Stone, the Alchemist’s gold, and which supposedly bridges the doorway between the physical and subtle bodies.

My Lesbian friends don’t know what to do about my K-energy stuff, and my spiritual friends don’t even know what to do about my Lesbianism!

I would be honored and delighted if you and I could correspond a bit about the Kundalini Rising stuff. And maybe even at some point we could perhaps chat on the phone.

I am planning on attending the Kundalini conference in San Diego next spring. I hope to meet you in person then.

I also know that L., from KRN, is a therapist. I am also allergic to therapists after having been to a few. These, and others I’ve met socially, seem to be suffering from the “Wounded Healer” syndrome. But at the same time, I will certainly contact her if I am having a really hard time. Otherwise, I am basically content to go through this process either pretty much alone or with a little help from my friends!

And now you have more to read below – another 2 letters to friends plus a post I made to a discussion forum (sorry!), so I will sign off…

Yours in warmest sisterhood,

P.S. I have a well-developed and somewhat individuated sense of humor. In that light, depending on the context, when I talk about K-energy, I can mean any of the following:

Kundaquesy – the energy that makes me nauseous
Kundaskeeny – the energy that takes away my appetite
Kundasqueezy – the energy that causes my spasms
Kundalinguini – the energy that makes me hungry (used to have it, don’t have it much now.)

My e-mail to R. and J. in Detroit on Sept 11th:

…OK, here goes - I think I am in the midst of a Kundalini Awakening experience. Remember when I told you, J., about my "Look, Ma, no hands" orgasms? Well, that was part of what is going on, but I had never heard of Kundalini Awakening/Rising until a week or so ago!

The following is a post I made to the discussion forum (df) for folks who are doing the kind of meditation CD (Holosync) that I am doing:

August 30th, 2005:

Background: I am a 57 year old woman who has always enjoyed sex. I am also a Lesbian. I came out about 38 years ago, tried bisexuality for awhile, but found it wasn't my cup of tea.

I have privately corresponded with D. and M., and have talked to them both on the phone, so I think they would vouch for me. The reason I say this is that what has happened to me sounds a bit like science fiction or someone's wildest fantasy...

I have become multi, multi, multi, etc., orgasmic, like 25 - 35 orgasms in a row from just one episode of being stimulated. And I mean the vagina-clenching, neck-arching, can't-help-but-make-a-noise kind of orgasm. I can do this sequence 3 or 4 times in 45 minutes or so, which amounts to over 100 orgasms. This started about 6 months ago.

I can also now have orgasms with no direct stimulation - just a thought or a memory or a light kiss or touch in a non-erogenous area, or me touching or kissing my lover in the same way.

And finally, I also have orgasms when my multi-orgasmic lover does, again with no stimulation, rather they are "empathy" orgasms. (My Myers-Briggs profile is ENFP - the empath.) And they are very, very intense, too.

I attribute this to, in part, [the homeopathic-like potion] I've been taking it for about a year.

My e-mail to R. and J. in Detroit on 9/11 (continued):

And then, on Saturday, Sept. 3rd, [Note: This is perhaps my “official” Awakening date] I called a friend to tell him about my recent orgasmic experiences. We had a great talk and he asked me to e-mail him. I am enclosing a copy of the e-mail I sent him on Sunday, Sept. 4th:

My e-mail to B. on Sept. 4th:

...Where to begin? Please know that I am having a bit of a hard time reading, thinking and writing. I really do think I am in the midst of a kundalini awakening. I apologize in advance for the lack of coherence.

As I said to you on the phone, I've been mostly watching what's going on with me out of the corner of my eye. After talking with you last night, I've been much more closely watching what's going on in the present, plus I've been going over events from the past. It's fun stuff, sometimes scary, occasionally confusing, often new and certainly out of the ordinary.

As you know, I've been doing Holosync (binaural entrainment meditation) for 2 years. For the past few months, I've also been listening to some fabulous CD's from www.healingsounds.com , in particular "Chakra Chants" (which has binaural entrainment) and "Holy Harmony", 4 or 5 times a week. The CD's contain great stuff from many Eastern spiritual traditions, plus some fascinating items from theories about sound, frequency, harmonic vibrations and intent, all put together very wonderfully by Jonathan Goldman…

…Let me tell you first what has happened since I talked to you last night. Even as we were on the phone, you asked if I had tried to move the energy up my spine, and as soon as you said it and I thought about it, it happened. My neck arched and the energy went out the top of my head - as I mentioned to you. And it happened a second time while we were still on the phone. It happened some more after we got off the phone, whenever I would think about it. For the rest of the evening, I also had chills/energy/tingling in my crown, the back of my head and my neck.

You mentioned blockages on the phone, and we kind of agreed that the congested feeling in my lower abdomen was a blockage in my second (sexual) Chakra. Last night as I was listening to my Holosync CD, I noticed the congested feeling, so I did the energy up the spine visualization and not only did I feel the energy go up and out the top of my head, but I also had an intense, vagina-clenching, neck-arching, noise-making orgasm. This happened 3 times.

The next morning I couldn't sleep (have been really energized on and off the past week), so I got up and listened to my "Chakra Chants" CD for an hour. While listening, I had many, many, many twitches in all parts of my body (including my face and even inside my throat) (I think that some people consider that to be the releasing of energy blockages), and at the end, when the crown chakra was being addressed by the CD, the energy went shooting up my spine and I had a half dozen intense orgasms, some of which were vaginal and some of which were more "whole body". Also towards the end of the CD, my body was shaking and vibrating, in particular my head.

I continue now to have a fair amount of tingling/chills/energy up my back, in my neck and the back of my head. There is also periodic pressure in the back of my head. When I pay attention to the energy and move it all the way up my spine and out the top of my head, I have orgasms about half the time.

I am also very teary this morning.

This past week, and on and off over the past 6 or more months, I have had episodes of being very energized, very wired, accompanied by trembling, fast-breathing, sweating, and feeling like I'm vibrating. Lately I have been unable to read much, to spell very well, or to even write legibly - but I can type much faster than usual!

The other obvious thing that has been happening, that I think I mentioned to you, is that I have had weird feelings in what I think is my heart chakra. I think I would maybe call that a blockage. It's like intense energy/pressure and intense sorrow. When I focus on it, a voice says to me, "I ache". This has been especially present during the hurricane Katrina tragedy. I have tried to release it using the Sedona Method (www.Sedona.com), and I have tried Focusing on it (www.focusingresources.com). These are two things that have helped me deal with feelings in the past, but they weren't working for me a couple of days ago. I finally just cried and the feeling passed. I had a little bit of it last night, did my energy up the spine visualization and it went away!

On another note, some info about me from my distant past - I have always been a spiritual person. I was raised Catholic and, starting about age 12, I decided I was going to be a saint. My spirit guides, which I got in a feminist version of a Silva Mind Control class in the 1970's, are a snake (named Chastity, of all things, given my very sexual self) and an "Amazon Lady". I have always wondered about the snake. Now I know that it has some kind of association with Kundalini energy.

I am currently allergic to any kind of organized religion, but I have taken bits and pieces from various Eastern and Western traditions and made them my own. I have a bumper sticker on my car that says "Namaste" (the divine within me acknowledges and honors the divine within you), and I try to live my life that way, but I don't always succeed…

My e-mail to R. and J. in Detroit on 9/11 (continued):

That was on Sunday, Sept. 4th. On Tuesday, I was having uncontrollable orgasms while driving, while walking (!), while talking to people at work, while typing, etc. I'm sure I had over 200 orgasms, maybe even 300! I think this is my body's attempt to ground the increased energy. It was getting to be a bit much - kind of annoying like hiccups!

But as the week progressed, the number of orgasms lessened. Today I will probably have about 50 - 100, and they are much more under my control, and I like having them. Gives me obvious proof that something special and magical is going with me.

My head and neck continue to tingle on and off, and if I run my hand through the energy field around them, I have an orgasm. If I visualize energy going up my spine, 95% of the time I have an orgasm.

I listened to the Chakra Chants CD again this morning, had orgasms throughout the whole thing, and when both the 6th and 7th chakras were being addressed, my head and neck physically vibrated and shook intensely for a minute or two.

There is a lot of negative stuff about Kundalini Awakenings/Rising on the internet, but I'm having a pretty good time here. I think it's because I've done a fair amount of therapy, formally and informally, plus I've been going to chiropractors for over 30 years, so my energy meridians are functioning pretty well, plus I'm a woman (no male ego), plus I'm used to being different because I'm a Lesbian, plus who knows what else.

I have sent for a few books on Kundalini Awakenings from Amazon. One of them is by the guy who wrote this: http://www.thesoulsjourney.com/kundalini.html He has a very feminist, positive take on Kundalini. I also ordered a book written by a Lesbian who had an Awakening in her 50's (sounds familiar!). See http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/104-9038994-3191125

The sexual stuff tickles me. I have always thought of sexual energy as sacred energy.

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