Thursday, September 28, 2006
Cloud of Unknowing--Fear, a Dream, Reassurance from the Goddess
In this entry, "Cloud of Unknowing" (see previous entries) has a dream which expresses his inner anxiety and deep ambivalence about the new experiences he is undergoing. Will they undermine his sanity? Will he betray family and loved ones by immersing himself in such unknown feelings? Such doubt is, I think, quite natural. When we venture into the unknown, we are not sure what we will meet, nor whether the changes wrought within will be benevolent or harmful. Indeed, we sometimes wonder if we are in fact losing our minds. After all, we are now having experiences well outside the range of the majority of human kind, and far beyond anything we have experienced before.
The tension thus aroused leads "Cloud of Unknowing" to experience some pain (likely energetic blocks) on his awakening. (Note: bliss can flow only when the body and mind are fully relaxed, free of internal tension and external stress. This is the tricky "double face" of kundalini, for most of us cannot remain perpetually free of stress in our lives.)
During kundalini awakening, our subconscious may become much more active. Our dreams thus can offer a signficant reflection of our inner feelings, and often contain valuable instructions to guide us as we make our way on this unfamiliar path. At one point in my "initiation" experience, I dreamed that a canny salesman (little old man) was trying to sell me a questionable used car. He took my own car keys (my inner guidance) and tried switch them for a set of his own. This was at a time when I had been persuaded to relinquish the original energetic exercises which "grace" had given me, for those of a different technique which was quite harmful to me at that time.)
Here is "Cloud of Unknowing's" account:
I had a dream last night. I wrote it down as soon as I woke up.
The dream:
I am in school, elementary school, 3rd grade. I suddenly get much larger than the other children. The teacher is the Goddess. She asks me if I would like to try a more advanced curriculum. At first I say 5th grade, but then I say no, make that 7th..I said this out of pride I think. She says can you handle that? and I say yes.
The Goddess disappears. Someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around. It is the character Gary Seven from the old Star Trek episode Assignment: Earth. In this episode, Seven was a space alien sent to 20th century Earth to help it survive the dangerous nuclear age. In my dream, he radiates authority and power. Note that my subconscious mind often uses Star Trek imagery (yes, I am a super-geek) as a form of archetypes.
Seven takes me to the side of the classroom and hands me a thick binder, like some sort of CIA briefing document. Read this,he says, and give me a full report as soon as possible. I sit down at a desk and open the folder. There is a cover sheet on the document that reads, WARNING: This report will cause loss of sanity for those not ready to understand it. This frightens me at first but I decide to continue reading.
I turn the cover page and begin reading the report. It is gibberish...nightmare in written form, words that run together and make no sense, like something out of H.P. Lovecraft. I read a few paragraphs and then I am overcome with pain and confusion--chaos. It bends my mind.
I read a page but cannot begin the second. I put it down and turn to Gary Seven. I can't read this. It would destroy me. Then don't. he says.
Gary Seven turns into the Goddess and we are sitting in our garden together. That hurt!I said. She replies, I told you it would not be easy, but if you would read that document your sanity would be blasted away and then you cold float away with me in bliss. Isn't that what you want? Read it! This is what you want, isn't it?
Yes. I start to slip away,..but then I see my wife and my children calling out to me, screaming in terror and pain and loss and watching my limp body being wheeled into a mental hospital on a gurney.
NO! I scream. I turn to the Goddess. You said you would never ask me to hurt anyone but I would hurt them if I did this. You cannot be the Goddess!
She disappears. Someone taps me on the shoulder, I turn and it is the Goddess again. She is calm and serene.
I am here, do not fear. You told me that you wanted love, but is it love you want or merely bliss? Because if it is just bliss you can get lost in that and you will lose your family and hurt them, and this is not what this is about. You know that you have put a veil between us before when you try too hard to grasp me for the pleasure of my presence and not for the presence itself. Bliss is a part of me but only a part, for I am love. Love contains all. Open to love and you will know me and be complete. To grasp is to close and possess. Open your hand, open your heart and accept me.
I woke up at that point. I'm not sure about what all this means, other than a general warning to stay grounded as much as possible. I do know that I feel different physically today. The energy is still there and in a strong way, but I have pains in my head and my feet that weren't there yesterday, and I feel tired inside. I feel calmer and more focused on others today, rather than caught up so much in what is going on inside my head.
The tension thus aroused leads "Cloud of Unknowing" to experience some pain (likely energetic blocks) on his awakening. (Note: bliss can flow only when the body and mind are fully relaxed, free of internal tension and external stress. This is the tricky "double face" of kundalini, for most of us cannot remain perpetually free of stress in our lives.)
During kundalini awakening, our subconscious may become much more active. Our dreams thus can offer a signficant reflection of our inner feelings, and often contain valuable instructions to guide us as we make our way on this unfamiliar path. At one point in my "initiation" experience, I dreamed that a canny salesman (little old man) was trying to sell me a questionable used car. He took my own car keys (my inner guidance) and tried switch them for a set of his own. This was at a time when I had been persuaded to relinquish the original energetic exercises which "grace" had given me, for those of a different technique which was quite harmful to me at that time.)
Here is "Cloud of Unknowing's" account:
I had a dream last night. I wrote it down as soon as I woke up.
The dream:
I am in school, elementary school, 3rd grade. I suddenly get much larger than the other children. The teacher is the Goddess. She asks me if I would like to try a more advanced curriculum. At first I say 5th grade, but then I say no, make that 7th..I said this out of pride I think. She says can you handle that? and I say yes.
The Goddess disappears. Someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around. It is the character Gary Seven from the old Star Trek episode Assignment: Earth. In this episode, Seven was a space alien sent to 20th century Earth to help it survive the dangerous nuclear age. In my dream, he radiates authority and power. Note that my subconscious mind often uses Star Trek imagery (yes, I am a super-geek) as a form of archetypes.
Seven takes me to the side of the classroom and hands me a thick binder, like some sort of CIA briefing document. Read this,he says, and give me a full report as soon as possible. I sit down at a desk and open the folder. There is a cover sheet on the document that reads, WARNING: This report will cause loss of sanity for those not ready to understand it. This frightens me at first but I decide to continue reading.
I turn the cover page and begin reading the report. It is gibberish...nightmare in written form, words that run together and make no sense, like something out of H.P. Lovecraft. I read a few paragraphs and then I am overcome with pain and confusion--chaos. It bends my mind.
I read a page but cannot begin the second. I put it down and turn to Gary Seven. I can't read this. It would destroy me. Then don't. he says.
Gary Seven turns into the Goddess and we are sitting in our garden together. That hurt!I said. She replies, I told you it would not be easy, but if you would read that document your sanity would be blasted away and then you cold float away with me in bliss. Isn't that what you want? Read it! This is what you want, isn't it?
Yes. I start to slip away,..but then I see my wife and my children calling out to me, screaming in terror and pain and loss and watching my limp body being wheeled into a mental hospital on a gurney.
NO! I scream. I turn to the Goddess. You said you would never ask me to hurt anyone but I would hurt them if I did this. You cannot be the Goddess!
She disappears. Someone taps me on the shoulder, I turn and it is the Goddess again. She is calm and serene.
I am here, do not fear. You told me that you wanted love, but is it love you want or merely bliss? Because if it is just bliss you can get lost in that and you will lose your family and hurt them, and this is not what this is about. You know that you have put a veil between us before when you try too hard to grasp me for the pleasure of my presence and not for the presence itself. Bliss is a part of me but only a part, for I am love. Love contains all. Open to love and you will know me and be complete. To grasp is to close and possess. Open your hand, open your heart and accept me.
I woke up at that point. I'm not sure about what all this means, other than a general warning to stay grounded as much as possible. I do know that I feel different physically today. The energy is still there and in a strong way, but I have pains in my head and my feet that weren't there yesterday, and I feel tired inside. I feel calmer and more focused on others today, rather than caught up so much in what is going on inside my head.
