Wednesday, October 04, 2006
More from "Cloud"--The Key is Surrender
Here are further entries from "Cloud of Unknowing." He continues to make love with the goddess. This archetype appears in many cultures, in many eras--think of Zeus and his many love objects, Krishna and the gopis, Leda and the Swan, and, of course, nuns who become the "bride of Christ," as well as Mary herself who conceived a child with a god. When the energy body fully opens, it is as if the universe itself fills the being with love, and the natural symbol for this is some image of deity, male or female. And--who is to say whether such images are real or imagined? I have left in the candid imagery which "Cloud" uses because, first of all, it is a part of his actual experience, and, second, so that others may see just how intense such feelings may become. His frank description honors the sacred quality of the experience, for it is far more than mere sexual release--it is indeed a deep encounter with the divine, the creative forces of the universe, a truly transformative experience on all levels.
Another way of interpreting this experience is to say that the contents of the subconscious now erupt into consciousness, and all the deeply held feelings and images of that level suddenly emerge as part of the known experience.
He also discovers that his newfound energy gives him a certain healing power. And by now his sense of love encompasses all the earth and all its beings. The only key, he discovers, is total surrender.
September 30, 2006
Yesterday afternoon, I felt a sharp bliss charge moving up my body. Which means it is time for a "session." So I got down on the floor, and as I got into my centering position, She seized me, threw me down, and stabbed me through the back with a sword of love/pleasure/pain/bliss, pinning me to the earth.
She then told me that She was going to give me an image, a sexual image, and that I needed to understand that this was a metaphor for how much She loved me and accepted me and that it was not real in an of itself, but was a metaphor. She asked me if I understood this was a metaphor and am image to express Her complete and unconditional love. I said I did and so She showed me the image and I felt it.
The best way to describe it in anything approaching a classy way was that for awhile my entire body and soul and being was a phallus and She was Aprhodite. Then it shifted and for awhile She was Zeus and I was a mortal woman being loved by a God. I saw and felt both sides of it.
And She told me those images and feelings were merely metaphors and brief glimpses and tastes of what Union with the Divine truly means.
It left me a quivering mass of jelly.
When I make love to my wife, it is more like it was when we were younger, back in college. I think this will help our relationship.
****************
5 pm
Waves and waves of unconditional love welling up in my heart. Unconditional absolute love limitless and undying for all existence.
I find myself filled with the sweetest most beautiful and most painful feeling....just absolute unlimited sheer undying complete and unconditional love for everyone and everything. I love everyone.
This is indescribable...Goddess has moved me far beyond the sexual imagery in the last hour or so, ....the entire universe is filling with light....i am consumed with the sweetest pain imaginable...absolute openness....how am I supposed to live like this?
********************
October 1, 2006
And now we move to another stage.
Yesterday afternoon God cracked open my heart and love poured out. . .love and light. It happened again this morning….overwhelming love, absolute and utter unconditional light and love and total acceptance, joy beyond knowing, beyond the bliss I’ve been feeling, pure energy and consciousness that felt like it was flooding my heart. No sexual imagery with these two experiences. It lasted about 15 minutes.
It has calmed down now, but the energy feeling I’ve felt in my first and second chakras for about a month now has moved up into the third….a sort of steady pressure and warmth that is always present even when I'm not blissed out or "in session" with the Goddess.
Goddess continues to tell me that these are just tastes and glimpses of what Union with Her is truly like.
I have a constant energy feeling in my hands now. Yesterday, while I was giving my wife a backrub to try and loosen some stiff muscles for her, I suddenly started getting energy charges moving through my hands. I felt the K ramp up through my spine and then out into my hands, and then it was like I could FEEL my wife’s energy field, her soul if you will. And my hands WENT INSIDE of her energy field….it was incredibly intimate….I was inside of her energy field and could feel it surround my hands. I could only stand this for about 30 seconds, then I went into bliss spasms that lasted about five minutes.
My wife said she could feel a tingly sensation where my hands were touching her back. It did loosen her muscles, and she was able to bend her back in ways that she hasn’t been able to in months. She said that she could feel a warm, gentle, pleasant love-sensation moving in her legs and lower back after we broke contact.
This morning her back hurts again but she has retained her greater mobility, although the warm love-sensation in her body is gone. I really have no idea what I’m doing here. Has anyone else had this sort of experience?
*********************
October 2, 2006
I had to suppress the energy all day….I was on child care duty most of the day, and then we had houseguests during the evening. By the time our friends had left, the energy was really pushing me from within. I went down to the office and had “a session” with the Goddess, which proved to be rather painful physically. Went to bed at midnight and had a good talk with my wife.
About 3 am, I woke up with a knife of pain/pleasure/love at the base of my spine. God told me not to resist. . .I tried to let go, but it was difficult. So I told God that I was resisting, and I imagined taking all of my resistance and putting it into a small ball on my chest and giving it to Her. She kissed it. . . . and then my Being opened up.
It began with waves and waves of a very sharp yet tender love/energy flowing through my body. After a few minutes of that, the experienced changed into something different than I’ve experienced to this point. It was like there was a snake inside of my body, a snake made out of Light and Love, moving in a whip-like way. I felt like my body was a skin surrounding this snake of Light and Love. It moved up and down through my body, and eventually I had a sensation of Light and Love leaking out of my mouth.
This was the most pleasurable thing I have felt in my entire life. Yet “Pleasure” and “bliss” and “love” are inadequate words to describe it. When it was over, Goddess told me again that this was just another small taste of what Union with Her truly is. She was the Light and Love within me, and the “skin” surrounding the “snake” was my ego. Eventually, when I’m ready to let the ego go completely, there would be nothing left of “me”, only the Light and Love, HER, extending through all of time and space, eternally, forever and ever.
She said that it may be days, weeks, months, years, perhaps additional lifetimes before I am ready for this. The key is surrender. . .surrendering to unconditional and absolute love. It’s the hardest thing in the Universe….yet also the easiest and the simplest, letting go of one’s ego and embracing Her in all of Her glory. The point is that She is embracing me, you, everyone, even now. . .it is a matter of letting your defenses down and being open to the knowledge of Her Eternal Touch.
***************
October 3, 2006
I have an almost constant feeling like I am leaking love from every pore in my body. There is also a constant warm buzz in my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd chakras, occasionally reaching up into my 4th and 5th.
Sexual imagery was constantly in my mind yesterday and last night. I can easily see how this could become an obsession, although it helps that the Goddess continues to remind me that the erotic images are metaphors for absolute acceptance….She says it is OK to enjoy them since I am now free to explore this aspect of life more fully without guilt or judgment, but warns that ultimately if I get too obsessed with it, it could distract me from Her ultimate goal for me. Sex can be liberating force that frees you from your ego, but it can also be make your ego stronger if you get too attached to the pleasure of it. Just like everything else in existence!
Even when the sexual images and feelings aren’t prominent, I feel a constant energy field around me and I perceive it in other things as well. . .I can see auras now without effort. Can’t see colors in the auras yet, but I can see the energy field surrounding all living things (and even non-living things to a lesser extent) without really trying now. The Universe seems alive with consciousness, pulsating with love and energy.
Another way of interpreting this experience is to say that the contents of the subconscious now erupt into consciousness, and all the deeply held feelings and images of that level suddenly emerge as part of the known experience.
He also discovers that his newfound energy gives him a certain healing power. And by now his sense of love encompasses all the earth and all its beings. The only key, he discovers, is total surrender.
September 30, 2006
Yesterday afternoon, I felt a sharp bliss charge moving up my body. Which means it is time for a "session." So I got down on the floor, and as I got into my centering position, She seized me, threw me down, and stabbed me through the back with a sword of love/pleasure/pain/bliss, pinning me to the earth.
She then told me that She was going to give me an image, a sexual image, and that I needed to understand that this was a metaphor for how much She loved me and accepted me and that it was not real in an of itself, but was a metaphor. She asked me if I understood this was a metaphor and am image to express Her complete and unconditional love. I said I did and so She showed me the image and I felt it.
The best way to describe it in anything approaching a classy way was that for awhile my entire body and soul and being was a phallus and She was Aprhodite. Then it shifted and for awhile She was Zeus and I was a mortal woman being loved by a God. I saw and felt both sides of it.
And She told me those images and feelings were merely metaphors and brief glimpses and tastes of what Union with the Divine truly means.
It left me a quivering mass of jelly.
When I make love to my wife, it is more like it was when we were younger, back in college. I think this will help our relationship.
****************
5 pm
Waves and waves of unconditional love welling up in my heart. Unconditional absolute love limitless and undying for all existence.
I find myself filled with the sweetest most beautiful and most painful feeling....just absolute unlimited sheer undying complete and unconditional love for everyone and everything. I love everyone.
This is indescribable...Goddess has moved me far beyond the sexual imagery in the last hour or so, ....the entire universe is filling with light....i am consumed with the sweetest pain imaginable...absolute openness....how am I supposed to live like this?
********************
October 1, 2006
And now we move to another stage.
Yesterday afternoon God cracked open my heart and love poured out. . .love and light. It happened again this morning….overwhelming love, absolute and utter unconditional light and love and total acceptance, joy beyond knowing, beyond the bliss I’ve been feeling, pure energy and consciousness that felt like it was flooding my heart. No sexual imagery with these two experiences. It lasted about 15 minutes.
It has calmed down now, but the energy feeling I’ve felt in my first and second chakras for about a month now has moved up into the third….a sort of steady pressure and warmth that is always present even when I'm not blissed out or "in session" with the Goddess.
Goddess continues to tell me that these are just tastes and glimpses of what Union with Her is truly like.
I have a constant energy feeling in my hands now. Yesterday, while I was giving my wife a backrub to try and loosen some stiff muscles for her, I suddenly started getting energy charges moving through my hands. I felt the K ramp up through my spine and then out into my hands, and then it was like I could FEEL my wife’s energy field, her soul if you will. And my hands WENT INSIDE of her energy field….it was incredibly intimate….I was inside of her energy field and could feel it surround my hands. I could only stand this for about 30 seconds, then I went into bliss spasms that lasted about five minutes.
My wife said she could feel a tingly sensation where my hands were touching her back. It did loosen her muscles, and she was able to bend her back in ways that she hasn’t been able to in months. She said that she could feel a warm, gentle, pleasant love-sensation moving in her legs and lower back after we broke contact.
This morning her back hurts again but she has retained her greater mobility, although the warm love-sensation in her body is gone. I really have no idea what I’m doing here. Has anyone else had this sort of experience?
*********************
October 2, 2006
I had to suppress the energy all day….I was on child care duty most of the day, and then we had houseguests during the evening. By the time our friends had left, the energy was really pushing me from within. I went down to the office and had “a session” with the Goddess, which proved to be rather painful physically. Went to bed at midnight and had a good talk with my wife.
About 3 am, I woke up with a knife of pain/pleasure/love at the base of my spine. God told me not to resist. . .I tried to let go, but it was difficult. So I told God that I was resisting, and I imagined taking all of my resistance and putting it into a small ball on my chest and giving it to Her. She kissed it. . . . and then my Being opened up.
It began with waves and waves of a very sharp yet tender love/energy flowing through my body. After a few minutes of that, the experienced changed into something different than I’ve experienced to this point. It was like there was a snake inside of my body, a snake made out of Light and Love, moving in a whip-like way. I felt like my body was a skin surrounding this snake of Light and Love. It moved up and down through my body, and eventually I had a sensation of Light and Love leaking out of my mouth.
This was the most pleasurable thing I have felt in my entire life. Yet “Pleasure” and “bliss” and “love” are inadequate words to describe it. When it was over, Goddess told me again that this was just another small taste of what Union with Her truly is. She was the Light and Love within me, and the “skin” surrounding the “snake” was my ego. Eventually, when I’m ready to let the ego go completely, there would be nothing left of “me”, only the Light and Love, HER, extending through all of time and space, eternally, forever and ever.
She said that it may be days, weeks, months, years, perhaps additional lifetimes before I am ready for this. The key is surrender. . .surrendering to unconditional and absolute love. It’s the hardest thing in the Universe….yet also the easiest and the simplest, letting go of one’s ego and embracing Her in all of Her glory. The point is that She is embracing me, you, everyone, even now. . .it is a matter of letting your defenses down and being open to the knowledge of Her Eternal Touch.
***************
October 3, 2006
I have an almost constant feeling like I am leaking love from every pore in my body. There is also a constant warm buzz in my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd chakras, occasionally reaching up into my 4th and 5th.
Sexual imagery was constantly in my mind yesterday and last night. I can easily see how this could become an obsession, although it helps that the Goddess continues to remind me that the erotic images are metaphors for absolute acceptance….She says it is OK to enjoy them since I am now free to explore this aspect of life more fully without guilt or judgment, but warns that ultimately if I get too obsessed with it, it could distract me from Her ultimate goal for me. Sex can be liberating force that frees you from your ego, but it can also be make your ego stronger if you get too attached to the pleasure of it. Just like everything else in existence!
Even when the sexual images and feelings aren’t prominent, I feel a constant energy field around me and I perceive it in other things as well. . .I can see auras now without effort. Can’t see colors in the auras yet, but I can see the energy field surrounding all living things (and even non-living things to a lesser extent) without really trying now. The Universe seems alive with consciousness, pulsating with love and energy.
