Kundalini Splendor

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Thursday, October 26, 2006

More from Cloud 

(As before, I remind readers that Cloud's story of his k. awakening begins on September 20 with a poem, and continues in scattered entries thereafter. Here he discusses love,loneliness,and sex with the goddess.)

The whole sex/spirit issue is cropping up in my mind again…I find myself just aching to touch other people….note that I don’t mean have sex with them in a possessive (I must HAVE her) way, but just wanting to be affectionate and loving with EVERYONE…I ache with it.

Went for a walk this afternoon, with a combination of love and immense loneliness
welling up inside of me. I felt very isolated and alone….filled with light and love yet having no one to share it with except my wife...nothing can replace the life I have with her, understand....I'm not looking to cheat on her or anything like that. It's just every woman I see or meet (and some men too) I just want to hug and love and kiss. And to suppress this seems to cause pain as I feel I am constraining love within.

I called upon the Goddess for help. She walked with me….I could feel Her holding my hand. She pointed out the immense beauty of the natural world around me, and reminded me that I am NEVER alone, that She is always there with me, penetrating and sustaining me in the most intimate way, forever and always. I know this is so….I can feel Her….yet, yet. . .where does this loneliness and fear come from? I feel constrained and trapped by society….how, how am I supposed to live with this knowledge?? I want to LOVE…I AM love…yet, yet. . .to share it with everyone would be misunderstood.

Goddess tells me that sex is good…it is a positive vibration, but it IS a lower one compared to many of the higher ones. When it is time for my physical existence to end and time for my transition to the next planes, I will learn forms of intimacy that will make mere carnal sexuality look like a child’s game (which sex really is, actually, a game for immature spiritual children like most of us).

On this plane sexuality is a vibration that I am supposed to explore, with my wife by my side. According to God and my spirit guides the combination of Goddess’ Holy Love/Fire and positive sexuality on this plane is to be the method by which most of my remaining fears and ego blocks are to be burned away….noting that God’s Holy love and positive sexuality are just different frequencies of the same energy.

Parts of me are both impatient and afraid….excited and fearful.

I am told by my guides that my increasing interest in concepts like free love is partially due to the fact that "free love" and “swinging” among happily-married couples are crude material world analogues to the sort of spiritual communion and energy communication between souls and soul-groups that exist on the higher levels. On the higher planes concepts like jealousy and exclusivity are meaningless...we are individual but at the same time also all ONE, cells in the larger body of God if you will. There is no need for jealousy or fear or possessiveness.

Material-world concepts like "free love" and "swinging" are, properly understood, reflections of the type of communications and intimacy that are possible in the higher realms. Of course, here on the material plane this often gets mixed up with simple lust and desire for possession, chasing after pleasure, which can become a blind alley and stall your development.

On the higher planes pleasure is a side-effect, if you will, of the love/energy/knowledge exchange between souls, a more sublime and liberating thing than simple carnality. At the same time it should be understood that material sexuality is not a BAD thing. Indeed it is a good thing, because for many people fully embracing their sexuality is an important step on the road to communication and openness. But like everything else, the problem comes when people get stuck at a certain level of development, feeding the ego rather than growing out of it. Sexuality can help strip the ego away, but it can also make it much stronger...it is a powerful tool but must be dealt with carefully.

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