Kundalini Splendor

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Update from "Cloud of Unknowing" 

Here is a recent letter from "Cloud of Unknowing." For those who might not know of his journey, his story of awakening begins on September 20 and continues in various posts thereafter.

October 18, 2006

I failed a test this morning.

I woke up at 3 am with a strong energy/pleasure/bliss sensation in my body. Goddess’ presence was very close. I said hello to Her, and She told me (as She always does when I say hello) that She loves me. She then told me that it was time for Her to show me more of Her, and She asked if I was ready.

Of course I said yes.

She smiled at me in my mind, and the bliss started building up very powerfully…sweet nectar of love coursing through my body. The joy began to overwhelm me. . .

Just then my cat jumped up onto the bed and started meowing. He was thirsty and wanted some water fresh from the sink.

I got angry and kicked him off the bed. “I’m trying to talk with God, leave me alone cat!”

Immediately the bliss withdrew. Goddess was still there, smiling at me in a somewhat strange way. I still felt the energy but the powerful sweet bliss was gone. In my mind, She stroked me hair gently and we talked.

Me: “I failed a test, didn’t I?”
Goddess: “I wouldn’t put it in terms of failure. You want more of Me so I was checking to see how ready you were. I knew the answer before hand of course, but you didn’t.”
Me: “I’m sorry.”
Goddess: “Nothing to be sorry about. I don’t judge you, I love you. Did you learn something?”
Me: “Yes. The point is love, not pleasure. My cat needed me but I was too wrapped up in the pleasure of You to serve him at that moment. But part of loving You is serving him when he needs me.”
Goddess: “Yes.”
Me: “My cat is a part of You….I love You and I love him. It’s not one or the other, it is both. Part of loving You deeply and completely is seeing You in others and serving You…serve the least of these, human and animal, and I serve You. It’s not just about pleasure and bliss, it is about Love and service.”
Goddess: “Yes.”
Me: “Forgive my weakness.”
Goddess: “There is nothing to forgive, only Love….it is humans who judge, not Me, not God. All I do is Love, and teach you how to Love and be closer to Me. This is just another lesson. Trust me. Learn from this and do not forget.”

And with that I got up, gave my cat some water, and went back to bed. And as I laid down to try and get back to sleep, Goddess was at my side, stroking my hair in my mind as She does, telling me that She loved me. And the bliss came back, not as strong as before, but there, warm and gentle and loving.

My cat came back to bed, curled up, and went to sleep. And there I was, lying in bed, my cat at my feet, my sleeping wife at my side, the Goddess loving me and us, teaching, surrounding and encompassing all Creation. I love Her.

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