Monday, June 09, 2008
Unexpected Ecstasy
It began unexpectedly. After some weeks of "nothing," the down swing of the cycle, I decided to return to my practice (which I tend to avoid when I am in a low mood). So I put on Diana Rogers (a CD of kirtans and chants called "Love Reigns.") And, almost immediately, in the spell of her truly magical voice, the energies began to flow. At first, it was like soft light playing around my face and head, so delicate it was difficult to sustain. But I held on, and soon the energies shifted to soft, sweet bliss (sometimes drifting into pure rapture), these flowing in my arms and upper body.
If anyone had been watching (and thank the goddess no one was), they would have seen nothing that would account for my inner feelings. I stood quietly in my "meditation corner," feet firmly fixed, moving only my fingers or wrists in barely detectable movements. The onlooker would never have suspected the amazing experience unfolding within.
I still don't know where this joy comes from, what, exactly causes it to happen. It has to do, clearly, with a shift of consciousness into some "altered" state. It is nothing I could teach or transmit to another. It is simply letting kundalini have its way with me, allowing my arms and body to follow the inner flow.
I suspect that it is connected, in some way, with the workshop I described above, that being in the presence of such a high teacher and her loving followers, infused me with energies which came forth today as bliss.
Again, I practiced with only little clothing on, since this is the way to "let the body breathe." And that is what it felt like, as the inner spirit opened and the healing vibrations streamed through.
Why do I write about this, share this most intimate experience with--whoever reads this account? Partly because I like to keep a record of my own journey, but also because I think that many of us are participating in this major experiment, leading us all into a different state of being. I think that what I experienced this morning is the condition all of us will know when we " shuck off" this physical form and become pure spirit.
And, also, part of my role in the experiment is to note and record how the goddess (kundalini) unfolds within over such a long period of time. I have just celebrated the twenty-sixth anniversary of my original awakening. I have also just celebrated my own eightieth birthday. Who could have believed that the bliss would still arrive after such a long time? Who would have thought that, no matter what the physical age , such bliss is still possible?
For me, once the bliss meditation is over, I typically fall into a different "normal" state of consciousness. (I once wrote that these two kinds of awareness are like two roommates who live in the same apartment but seldom see one another, and communicate with notes pasted to the refrigerator door.) I have found that after such an intense practice, it is good to get outdoors and take a long walk. So today I headed out for Golden Gate Park, and there, in the golden sun of this special day, I had several lovely experiences, none in the way of mystical transcendence but still quite wonderful in their way.
If anyone had been watching (and thank the goddess no one was), they would have seen nothing that would account for my inner feelings. I stood quietly in my "meditation corner," feet firmly fixed, moving only my fingers or wrists in barely detectable movements. The onlooker would never have suspected the amazing experience unfolding within.
I still don't know where this joy comes from, what, exactly causes it to happen. It has to do, clearly, with a shift of consciousness into some "altered" state. It is nothing I could teach or transmit to another. It is simply letting kundalini have its way with me, allowing my arms and body to follow the inner flow.
I suspect that it is connected, in some way, with the workshop I described above, that being in the presence of such a high teacher and her loving followers, infused me with energies which came forth today as bliss.
Again, I practiced with only little clothing on, since this is the way to "let the body breathe." And that is what it felt like, as the inner spirit opened and the healing vibrations streamed through.
Why do I write about this, share this most intimate experience with--whoever reads this account? Partly because I like to keep a record of my own journey, but also because I think that many of us are participating in this major experiment, leading us all into a different state of being. I think that what I experienced this morning is the condition all of us will know when we " shuck off" this physical form and become pure spirit.
And, also, part of my role in the experiment is to note and record how the goddess (kundalini) unfolds within over such a long period of time. I have just celebrated the twenty-sixth anniversary of my original awakening. I have also just celebrated my own eightieth birthday. Who could have believed that the bliss would still arrive after such a long time? Who would have thought that, no matter what the physical age , such bliss is still possible?
For me, once the bliss meditation is over, I typically fall into a different "normal" state of consciousness. (I once wrote that these two kinds of awareness are like two roommates who live in the same apartment but seldom see one another, and communicate with notes pasted to the refrigerator door.) I have found that after such an intense practice, it is good to get outdoors and take a long walk. So today I headed out for Golden Gate Park, and there, in the golden sun of this special day, I had several lovely experiences, none in the way of mystical transcendence but still quite wonderful in their way.
Today's experience reminded me of a poem I wrote some ten or so years ago:
Almost Against My Will
Once more I was
not prepared.
Once more it came on me
suddenly,
like an ice storm in June,
a flood crashing over
the parched desert floor
at summer’s end.
And there I was,
captive once again
of these feelings insubstantial
as thoughts
as images
familiar music of silence
echoing through
Once more I was
not prepared.
Once more it came on me
suddenly,
like an ice storm in June,
a flood crashing over
the parched desert floor
at summer’s end.
And there I was,
captive once again
of these feelings insubstantial
as thoughts
as images
familiar music of silence
echoing through
my body's deepening canyons.
(from Marrow of Flame)
(Note: The first two images above are from yesterday's walk out on the cliff above the entrance to San Francisco Bay. The pictures of the duck on the log and the park ranger on her horse are from my walk today in Golden Gate Park.)
