Kundalini Splendor

Often, when I tell people about my kundalini awakening, they express their longing to experience this incredible phenomenon. Alas, it is not in my power to give this delight to them, and, even if I could, I would not. The reason for hesitation is that awakening the inner energies is always a gamble--there are big winners and big losers, and both states are challenging. Only those who are perfectly balanced in mind, body, and spirit sail through without difficulty, and few of us measure up in this way. Most of us--even at the moment of awakening--still carry heavy baggage of unresolved psychological or physical issues, most are still trying to cope with the residue of life in our society.



The result is that--for some--awakening may be a most painful process. Whatever has caused us grief or pain in the past will now bring us to a state of near unbearable awareness of those lingering problems. Some may have to withdraw totally from society, be unable to hold jobs or carry on life in the usual pattern. Some may find that their physical challenges are now so intense that they will in fact suffer at a new level.



There is no way to predict what is going to happen. Each person brings in a personal equation, a unique pattern of being, and thus each one experiences a different syndrome--of pain or or its opposite.



Most of us undergo a mixture of both extremes. We may vacillate from one state to the other, sometimes for years, until balance is achieved. The pleasure may be intense. The pain can be excruciating. It is as if one has been chosen to climb the Himalayas with no guidebook or guide, no special set of tools, no knowledge of who planned the trip or its purpose. Yet, something within tells us that this is what we are supposed to do, that somewhere, unseen, others are also making a similar journey, that together we will bring to the world a new definition of itself. And so we labor on, sometimes making measurable progress, sometimes sliding back to a lower level.



However, we all have in common at least one aspect of awakening: our sensitivity to outer stimuli is raised to an unbelievable pitch. I knew one person whose hearing became so acute that she was thrown into trauma by the sound of a neighbor smashing tin cans out in the alley. She was made frantic by the noise of cabinets being slammed shut in the apartment next door. Voices can grate. Going out in the world, eating in a restaurant, riding a bus--these can become excruciating experiences.



However, the reverse is also true. I recall once watching two chi gong teachers "hand dance" before the group. Each move of finger or wrist awakened sweet bliss within. At that time (the beginning months of my process), when I did acupressure around my eyes, the sweetness of the energies was astonishing. Again, during the same period, I remember having a massage at the YWCA from a young practitioner. When she was literally grinding her fist into my instep, I was feeling thrills of ecstasy. At that time, I did not allow myself to practice to music--the bliss became near overwhelming. Lifting arm or leg in yoga aroused intense streams of bliss. Everything looked beautiful. I had entered paradise (at least temporarily).



Now of course I am more stable--for the most part, I do not experience such extremes. But I still tend to live a "guarded" life. I live alone in a very quiet apartment, and for the most part mine is a solitary existence. I like to go out with friends, but I also love to be alone.



I tend to write about the "peak" experiences and ignore the depths and depressions in my journey. For those longing to undergo this wondrous event, my advice is: think carefully what you ask for. The price may be higher than you imagine. This gift may cost you everything--but worth it if you are truly dedicated. So--if you ask for awakening, be sure to add, "If I am ready."



However, perhaps more important than kundalini awakening is the inner journey of spiritual purification and progress. Compassionate service is perhaps the highest form of devotion. Living a life dedicated to deep spiritual principal is essential. Kundalini without inner commitment is worthless and even dangerous, since, like all energies, those of kundalini may be used for lower as well as higher purposes (consider the "corrupt gurus" we have seen in our time.) And, what is best, I believe, is to continue to work on inner improvement--to deal honestly and squarely with our psychological issues, to be of use to society, to improve and maintain health in every way we can. And, of course, we should seek spiritual help wherever it may be found--through reading, authentic teachers, helpful workshops, friends, whatever. We can make great progress on the path if we follow our inner guidance and thus make the world a better place for all.



And--this morning, I had another "peak experience," this time quite unexpected. Yesterday my practice was nice but not spectacular. So--today, I assumed my time of intense energy had passed, and was thinking that I might even skip practice, when--voila!--as I was just starting to get dressed, it came again.



I could tell just by my bodily movement that bliss was stirring. And I knew that the Beloved had come once more. It was a great surprise--like suddenly discovering your lover beside you in bed (this is a metaphor from my past, not my present).



And so I began--I stood just where I was, at the foot of my bed, stark naked as they say. I followed intuition--stroking my aura gently, beginning at the top and working my way down. At one point I opened my eyes enough to see how close my hand was to my body--I would guess about six inches--when I tested I could still feel the energy some twelve inches out, though not as strong. When I got down to my feet, I bent over as far as I could and just pointed my fingers--and still felt something, though not as strong. When I finished, a voice inside said, "Good morning, Dorothy."