Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Jana Dixon on "Die Offs" (Times of Regression)
First, a poem by an early writer:
The world but seems to be
By Fakhruddin Iraqi(? - 1289)
English version by William Chittick and Peter Lamborn Wilson
The world but seems to be
yet is nothing more
than a line drawn
than a line drawn
between light and shadow.
Decipher the message
of this dream-script
and learn to distinguish time
from Eternity.
-- from Fakhruddin Iraqi: Divine Flashes (Classics of Western Spirituality) , by William Chittick
-- from Fakhruddin Iraqi: Divine Flashes (Classics of Western Spirituality) , by William Chittick
One of the perpetual questions about kundalini is why we have so many "ups and downs," highs and lows, times when we seem to have "made it" into constant bliss followed by periods of despair and pain. Sometimes the intervals are extended, sometimes brief, almost as if we were a "bouncing ball" oscillating between two poles marked ecstasy and agony. In reading Jana Hixon's entries on her website (http://www.biologyofkundalini.com/mentioned in yesterday's post), I discovered some truly persuasive explanations for our unsteady progress (for we do move forward, despite all).
Here is her entry on this topic (which she calls "Die Offs"):
Die-Offs
"Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." John 12:24
"When we deny the urge toward transformative death it can only manifest covertly through unconscious projection." Uniting Sex, Self and Spirit, by Genia Pauli Haddon.
"Whoever has studied the history of magic knows very well that in all epochs it has been said that all great initiates remain dead for three days and resurrect on the third day." gnosis-usa.com
The best definitions for stages of growth in consciousness that I have found are Egg...Caterpillar...Pupae...Butterfly. This perfectly describes the stages, implications and profundity of metamorphosis. As well as a rebirth, we also have to start seeing metamorphosis as a process of progressive death...the caterpillar dies to its eggness, the pupa dies to its caterpillarness, the butterfly dies to its pupaeness.
FOUR TYPES OF DOWN TRIP
There are four main types of down-cycle events in metamorphosis that need to be clearly understood to prevent unnecessary suffering and secondary backlash:
LIGHTNING: This is a terror event of intense energy pouring up the body similar to a euphoric inner-conjunction, but in this case it is a dysphoric inner-conjunction. Here it seems we descend deeply into our matter and experience great fear with no apparent cause. This "negative" inner-conjunction mostly occurs during one's first awakening, as the polar flip to the spontaneous bliss awakening in a neophyte=body that is unfamiliar with such intensity of consciousness and energy.
SHOCK: White Death, or autonomic shock that occurs immediately after mystic ecstasy or Sex with Eros. That is the contraction and toxic overload after a significant opening to the extreme bliss of a euphoric inner-conjunction event.
SELF-DIGESTION: Then there are the die-offs which are a catabolic breakdown of the former structures through apoptosis due to oxidation by free radicals and then phagocytosis by the macrophages.
BURNOUT: Lastly there is the exhaustion phase of the overall awakening cycle where the body's resources of neurotransmitters, hormones, and nutrients have been used up in the climb to the heights of the awakening peak. During exhaustion depression arises, yet there is permanent bliss giving the sense of being dissociated from depression.
These four types of down-cycle could variously be associated with what the mystics call the Dark Night of the Soul. They are unavoidable, as the "living death" must occur for resurrection of the "spiritual" bodymind. All must enter the Dark Night, perhaps many times during the cyclical process of evolution. "He who is not twice born will not ascend to the Kingdom of Heaven."
The deeper one goes into a die-off, the greater the resurrection. Similarly the more one "allows" the influx of spirit phase during the heart expansion, the deeper one goes into the die-off. The die-off is either acute or chronic depending on the person and phase of awakening. It happens after the Influx of Spirit, as the flesh transmutes there is a die-off of the conventional conditioned structures. For every influx of spirit, there is an accompanying catabolic breakdown of the former pupael body or die-off. Only those people that have the kundi flow up the spine, and the experience of extreme bliss/influx or massive "opening" events are going to die-off. Die-offs are distinct periods of catabolic breakdown in which there is no operative ego, other than that which is sufficient to drag one off to the bathroom when appropriate.
By the die-off I am not meaning a near death experience. It feels more like a bacterial infection is consuming one's body, but there are no bacterial type symptoms or smells. A die-off is mostly blissful, but at points there can be extreme pain as well. There is a hyper awareness of all the damaged parts of the body...it's like the damaged parts are being eaten. There is slight nausea, but it's mostly a case of not being able to get out of bed, for the three or more days. All one can do to make it to the bathroom and drink water. This is the body bottoming out so it's not a highly conscious condition. One doesn't get subtle level insights, the mind is in a mild hallucinated state and not available for normal egoic function. There is internal music, voices, sounds, lights, coupled with a pervasive sense of Grace. When the die-off is over we feel a new lease on life, much moreso than a simple recovery from illness.
In the degree of holiness of experience I have found that a die-off is the runnerup to the Inner-conjunction. Mainly because it is the cessation of "doing" and the enforced relinquishment of the dominance of the ego. Eventually this is willingly chosen because any division between bodymind-soul becomes increasingly obvious and painful. My intuition is that the ego cannot handle love, and in actuality the ego loves fear. Eventually this is penetrated and seen as self-defeating. For the love that we give is the love that we are, and the love that we are is that which we can receive from others.
Die-offs can be acute (in bed for 3-6 days) or chronic (walking die-offs). During my two awakenings I had several walking die-offs and 3 acute die-offs. The first of my Dark Nights was the implosion event several weeks after my spontaneous awakening in Dec 1988. This peak of the down-cycle was one night of extreme panic; electrical and energetically intense as the blissful spontaneous awakening had been. Similarly the energy was pouring up my spine threatening to blow my head off, but I was in terror not bliss. This Dark Night was accompanied by a walking die-off, where there was some catabolic action of the immune system but I was not forced into bed rest.
The second die-off was a month after attending an Alex Grey workshop in November 1999...this was a 4 day somatic collapse and more emotional than electrical and mostly spent in bed. It was accompanied by intense grounding, fatigue and heart expansion.
The third was November 2000 after 3 months of the main influx phase of fire and heart expansion after being in my initiators presence...and this was atomic and cellular, an almost complete collapse of normal faculties for 6 days. The sensation of the body eating itself was so apparent in this die-off that it was this experience that made me realize the role of the immune system in metamorphosis. Ego is suspended, there are mild hallucinations of voice and image, often blissful and a holy sensation, sometimes incredibly painful as the transmutation is working on a particularly congested or damaged part of the body. For me this was the right side of my face and head which felt as though it was being dissolved by acid for a day.
Seems to me that after experiences of radical expansion and extreme euphoria, we tend to compare the difference between where we were in mystic revelry and the condition most of us live i--it is then that extreme cathartic anguish occurs as we mourn the sorry state of our collective human condition. This is one of the hyperbolic curves that occur during the first stages of the alchemy, especially if the realization is around ones family situation. After time I suppose our compassion takes on a lighter air as our own physicality loses its dross and heavy nature and our faith becomes unconditional...ie: detached from worldly appearances. The evolution of faith probably goes from blind faith, to informed faith, to unconditional faith. But it's doubtful that any of us can proceed in this development without periods of the obscuring or loss of faith, for we have to die to our former stage of faith to move onto the next.
Usually what bought us to this impasse is the pull of the heart and psychic intuition and profound spiritual illuminations. So to be plunged into space where we can no longer rely on our conditioning, and Spiritual illumination seems to have left us can constitute an extended period of dark night--usually about 5 years as the body recovers from the extreme chemistry of the peak. This is the period in which spiritual practice, sangha and 'listening' to Spirit for understanding, meaning and direction is most important.
We feel assense of loss during the exhaustion phase when we have lost our "magic" and extrasensory abilities and are back down, perhaps even more mortal than we were prior to our awakening. We all have to come down. This loss feels like losing oneself, ones lover, ones muse, ones God. The difference is shocking and if we do not work manually to rejuice ourselves then life feels like it's not really worth living. What was given to us by Grace, must now be won by discipline and hard work.
November-December is the most pronounced die-off time. It has to do with the earths movement round the sun, ie: just prior to solstice and the gravitational forces of the earth turning into the bend of the elliptic and changing direction. However there is no die-off during prior to the summer solstice due to a hormonal mix based on growth rather than senescence. The more thoroughly we die-off the more refined our intellectual achievement is the next year--around Easter is my peak of the year for intellect, and again in July with the maximum prana flow that happens then. If you find yourself really peaking in energy and psi during July chances are you will have a die-off in November especially if it is triggered by a transcendental dream or significant event in relationship.
The video “The Naked Truth” by The International Research and Education Society on google video is exceptional. It shows the mythic similarity of the main religions and how the elements of the story are based on sun worship and the suns progression through the zodiac. This is probably the most healing and informative film document out there.
They say the aspect of the traditions that talk of a 3 day death/resurrection, is actually when the sun stays 3 days at the same point at the lowest part of the sundial during winter solstice...ie: the belly of the fish of Jonah. It just so happens that the dieoff often constitutes 3 days also. The perennial story goes: The son of the Sun-God, gave up his blood so that we sinners could be absolved of our sins so we would no longer feel guilty...with a free conscience this would ensure that the sun (light) would indeed rise again tomorrow. Thus we keep the sun, earth and planets in their orbits by sacrificing the Golden Child.
(Note--from Dorothy--although I do not necessarily agree with every word of the above, I feel these comments contain much wisdom, and merit our careful consideration. Jana herself says early on in her text that she does not present her work as definitive, but rather as a form of investigation into the topic of the overall nature of kundalini and its impact on the human organism.)
