Friday, October 09, 2015
“I was becoming infatuated with all things spiritually and culturally Indian.I felt increasingly humble. How could such an exulting experience make me feel humble? It did and it still does. This is why. I concluded that if I was divine then everyone else was equally so. My inner mental architecture is average. Perhaps we are all divine and everything inanimate and living is all divine as well. That is how it felt. I was yet to satisfy myself as to its truth. Some doubt remained in my mind about the value and reality of my experience and the after affects. Was I insane? Was all religious experience based on such insanity? Was it just all brain juice? I searched the internet and found that those who took drugs, natural and synthetic, had similar experiences. So also did some psychotics.
To be sure that I was not suffering from a late life psychosis, delusion, mania or a brain tumour or poisoning; I visited a senior consultant psychiatrist who is an expert in transcendental states of consciousness. He carefully listened to my account, taking notes. At the conclusion of my account he happily assured me of my sanity. He said the experience was to be celebrated as a rare but healthy part of human experience. One currently neglected by Western society. Unbelievably he also encouraged me to meditate twice daily to deepen and extend my experience and continue to allow the spontaneous changes occurring in my lifestyle. He explained what was happening inside my brain during the various mind states that I was experiencing. He said such experiences could be shown in real time by EEGs. He said I should allow the process to unfold. He said it was beneficial. Not exactly what I had expected to hear from a senior consultant physician. “Is it a supernatural happening?” I asked. He retorted with, “I am a phenomenologist, not a theologian. I cannot help you with that.” Was there a mischievous twinkle in his eyes? I said, “Are the experiences of drug takers similar?” He replied that this could be the case but such methods were like smashing open a treasure chest rather than opening it with the proper key. The results could be valid but unpredictable and even dangerous. I visited him regularly over some months. Amongst many things I asked was, “Is there good and evil?” I no longer knew. He replied that all so called “good and evil” is relative and not absolute. He recommended I study Kohlberg’s Stages of Moral development. I said, “I have caused others suffering by my past errors of judgement, especially my family.” He said that I had done the best I could under the circumstances and mental stage of development and not to let it sadden me. He said, “Don’t you feel excellent these days?” I said that I did. He said not to conjure up guilt where there was none. I said that without feeling guilt I would make restitution, where it was possible, to those I had disadvantaged.
There were many spontaneous changes taking place within me. Since my experience I was better able to cope with life in the face of things that would normally cause me great anxiety or precipitate anger. At times I felt in love, with everyone. Indian couples appeared as gods and goddesses. I felt immense gratitude to India for preserving information about mystical experiences. At other times, during what I called “blissful states,” sunlight seemed to penetrate my head and cause a further explosion of bliss. Immediately following on from that state, I walked around, in wonder and awe at the material and energetic miracle of this world and its great and detailed beauty. Colours appeared clear and bright, particularly different shades of blue, which appeared to glow. I felt every movement of air across my skin and radiated heat from walls and other objects from a distance. I felt intensely in the moment and bathed in pleasure. I had entered a mind-state of sharp focus and deep tranquillity as I moved through the crystal clear moment where time seemed to stand still. I functioned very well in both states, bliss and the after poise of tranquillity, and it enhanced my work and family life. This “bliss” is not emotion, it is a psycho-physical sensation that calms all emotion and stills all passion, emptying the mind of all chatter. The after-effect lasts for days. I could not understand why people tried so hard to find supernatural explanations for what amounted to a miracle right in front of their eyes; the physical universe! It seemed to me that the dichotomy between the so called “physical” and “spiritual” was false. There is only phenomena, seem or unseen, currently detectable or undetectable, on a spectrum of unity.
Everyday become an adventure and I never knew what energetic experience within my body and brain would manifest next. I could relate many.”
I find myself in a perpetual state of unknowing about anything at all. But I think the mystics have it right and science gets ever closer to explaining why.
Over the following years it gets much, much stranger, and ever more hilarious. Alas, it seems I can know some of the what but never the why! Perhaps it is indeed hubris to think that humans ever can know the ultimate why. As a child did you ever ask a playmate a burning question only to be told, “ Because!! That’s why!”
I really relate the feeling that this person who writes to you is unreal but my other UNIVERSAL SELF is all there is. Well, I suppose this shining, glorious, eternal and omnipotent SELF got tired of all that Consciousness (alone), Existence (alone), Bliss (alone) and went totally mad and split a tiny portion of its SELF into countless souls just to entertain its SELF. Perhaps it’s all a play, a cosmic joke. But for our temporary human selves, this world is a dangerous, if sometimes interesting, place.
Reincarnation. Probably true.