Tuesday, October 06, 2015
Following on was an instantaneous, total life review. It was like viewing a three hundred and sixty degree panoramic picture screen with all of my life events played out simultaneously. Many of the things I had thought very significant in my life were not at all important. My preconceptions of right and wrong melted away. I did not feel judged in any way, I felt completely accepted. Everything was meaningful in my life and nothing I had experienced was wasted. The only things that now mattered in my past life were the times I had shown loving compassion to other people and living things. Then I felt enormous, limitless, feelings of joy, love, compassion and empathy for humankind and all living things. I felt intimate kinship with all humanity. I somehow was The Divine Mother with a heart for all my suffering beings and wanted to encompass them in arms of love and mercy and tell them everything was all right and always had been. Everything was perfect and always had been and always would be. At this stage I did not see anything with my sight that I can remember but I had total perception. How can one describe such a thing? It was not a vision, it was total involvement. I am not sure how long I experienced this state, as I lost all sense of time in this limitless state. I did not feel I was experiencing or meeting anything resembling my previous concepts or ideas about God. I felt I was God or was of one substance with Him-Her-It. My form then changed and I became the dancing One with four arms, [Shiva Nataraj]. I was the dancing divine current of living energy. I was the Lord of the Cosmic Dance. I was identical with the cosmic, playful tumult and buzz of eternal intelligent energy. I danced, immeasurably powerful as I encompassed the universe and far beyond. My exultation and freedom knew no bounds. [I had no previous attraction to or preoccupation with Shiva before that moment that I can remember apart from a strong positive reaction to a song about Jesus in a church in the 1970’s, Lord of the Dance.] To speak of personal identity when in such a state is meaningless. The human I had been was no more. It was joyous and total personal obliteration.
By two thirty am I came down from the great space through the top of my head, as the tiny point of consciousness. My body was in a highly energised state. I found myself with eyes open still sitting at the computer with my hands on the desk, staring at the screen. I thought, “Nothing can compare with such an experience, no accomplishment, no scientific discovery, nor any experience on earth can match it. One may have all the resources, all the money, all the women and all the intelligence on earth but nothing can match this. Everyone should have this experience at least once!”
It felt like had won the Lotto, some vast sum of money. All desires and wishes granted. Nothing left to do or say; completion.
My body was feeling pleasantly tired and sleepy. As I walked down the passage it felt like I was walking lightly, on pillows. I felt weightless. I had the sensation of being in two places at once. One in my body and one up above my body somewhere, looking down. I could see myself walking down the passage to the kitchen from above. I went to bed and drifted off. I was a buzzing mass of energy. Though sleepy, I felt carefree, new, fresh, blissful, happy, full of laughter, totally present and focussed. I slept the profoundest, sweetest and most dreamless of sleeps.
The next day I awoke still buzzing all over with energy. I still felt new, peaceful, untroubled and joyful. I thought to myself, “That was, and still is, a most therapeutic experience! I wonder if such experiences can be triggered in everyone else. I had no idea my brain could do that!” I remembered the readings of my youth about the rising of the Kundalini and thought, “Perhaps this is Kundalini. The experience appears to be authentic, although perhaps not divine. If only someone had been there last night to take blood samples and wire my head to an EEG! I wonder if this is repeatable.”
There had been absolutely no drugs or alcohol involved and I was in peak mental, emotional and physical condition at the time. Leading up to this event was the happiest and most contented period I could remember in my life. This was a completely unexpected event.
The bus ride to work was like the first bus ride of my life, colours around me were bright and vivid like the world had just been made. My whole past life seemed to have receded to a faint harmless memory. The lights were certainly on inside but I was no longer sure who was home.