Monday, December 05, 2016
One Woman's Kundalini Opening
In the beginning stages of this I considered contacting a therapist because I actually feared I might be losing my mind, but knew that if I described golden colors, vibrating, hearing voices, having visitations by people not really there, not being able to control my mind writing poetry...they would lock me up as quickly as possible..lol...or at the very least prescribe serious medication that would dampen this experience. Someone I know from a health forum (who also felt she might be losing her mind during a major opening years ago after delving into some kind of spiritual type of Tai Chi) was helpful in encouraging me to just stay with the experience. I'm not sure she had a Kundalini energy jolt during her awakening, but the Energy did manifest for her via her spiritual practice.
I don't feel fearful about going insane anymore -- I'm just experiencing reality in a new way, and when awareness shifts too quickly or in major ways one can feel insane. I think it would be helpful to have a teacher or mentor, especially if I delve deeper into meditation. I do get the message from my inner guide however, that I should NOT be doing deeper meditation at this time.
Years ago, in fact when I was majoring in Women's Studies, I lived in an ashram for some years and meditated frequently, and so I am familiar with Kundalini. Ofen I have had minor Kundalini jolts, and had a particularly intense one a day or two before the Kundalini blast when I was sitting outside (during the 'poetry obsession' that was beginning to engulf me) and wanted to write a poem about two pecan trees in my garden. I knew I had to feel them to write the poem, and so I entered into them and WHOA what a blast, and a poem began with two names, "The Trees Said Hello" and "Kundalini Tree Dance". I feel that this is what catapulted the major Kundalini blast which came a day or two later.
I was trained in Reiki and so am familiar with feeling energy in my hands. Now I feel the energy in my entire body, vibrating.
Though I am frequently giddy with high feelings and love of the Universe, along with this comes more intense pain than I've ever known. One of my main goals since the Kundalini surge has been to face this pain instead of letting it stop my growth.. .
Anyway, I've always had the feeling that one can love no matter what happens, and that this was my mission in life, and that this love transcends what is thought of as the 'physical' by most. But this now is something on a much deeper level. It could be that not all parts of me knew this, and the strangest thing is that I feel more grounded than I've ever felt, and now know that the world is erotic, and that there really is no difference between physical and spiritual (though I may have given off a spiritual vibe in the past to people, some part of me was in outer space and not really here until this Kundalini jolt). So in a way, this Kundalini jolt was also a 'soul retrieval', and at first I thought that's all it was. But why am I making a distinction as it's really the same thing :)
The big Kundalini surge was scary. I was plastered back into my chair and could not move. I felt as if I were in some kind of rocket taking off at the speed of light and it was forcing me back into the chair. There was a strong sense of everything going faster, faster. My body began vibrating intensely and I could see the energy in my body in some strange way.
The next day I saw energy emitting from my hands, like a kind of golden cloud. The postman's eyes opened really wide when he gave me some mail when all I did was utter a simple sentence. I decided I should stay in the house and not contact anyone.
I felt giddy with love. Listening to music the vibration was so intense I had to turn it off. When I tried to work in a virtual world I could feel someone's energy to such a degree (and it was a sickly thing I felt from a particular woman) that it scared me. I was thinking 'my god this spiritual dimension is all very intense', and a voice said to me "you've only put your toe in". . . . [sometimes I felt bad because I was afraid] I was hurting people because they felt pain over wanting what I had. I realized I could not even go anywhere where I had to react to people at that time, as too much was flooding in.
This is an impressive description of a Kundalini awakening experience. It contains many elements common to others' experiences and some which are unique to the writer. I would like to suggest that the experience of pain is not a factor to block the energies but rather a way of calling your attention to places where blocks exist so that you will notice them and do all you can to release them. Pain––as well as rapture–– is part of the overall process of rewiring your nervous system, and it generally passes away over time.
I was especially interested in her comment that she is sorry than she cannot help others to experience the same bliss, for she knows that her inability to share in this way makes them frustrated or sad. I have also felt the same, especially when the process involves ecstasy or rapture. Everyone wants to enter these states, but they appear to come as a gift of grace, rather than as a goal to be reached through striving. One faces a dilemma: whether to remain silent and live in isolation or to speak out and risk some sort of envy or even resentment as a response.