Monday, February 13, 2017
A True Confession
by Dorothy Walters
I have a confession to make. It is a secret that I have kept hidden for many years, but I feel that the time has come to be honest with myself and the world and so I am coming clean at last.
I am an addict!
It is true that I am not addicted to such things as alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, caffein, soft drinks, or even food in general. No, it is none of these.
I am addicted to potato chips!
Once a week I go grocery shopping, and when the chips enter my house, I cannot wait to open and devour them. Sometimes I start nibbling even before I have unpacked the other groceries. This uncontrolled behavior lasts until they are all gone (even with the medium size pack I usually buy.) Next day, when I find the bag is empty, I begin to get nervous, pace about the room, "bewail my outcast state" (Shakespeare), turn on the local weather reports as well as the latest tweets from you know who, check my mail, see what the latest appointment disaster is to come out of Washington, and then watch John Colbert on the late night T. V. I have, however, not succumbed to day time programs with their obsession with sex and violence. You must draw the line somewhere.
I have attempted to find substitutes for my obsession. I have tried nuts, celery sticks, organic cream on top yogurt, and guaranteed gluten free chocolate cookies. All to no avail. My inner glutton wants potato chips, preferably kettle fried and seasoned with sea salt.
Actually, my addiction began with a medical prescription. Once when my blood profile revealed that my electrolytes were low, my doctor told me to go home and eat potato chips and drink gatorade. I never got around to the gatorade, but I began eating massive amounts of potato chips. In this way, I got hooked and as years passed, I ate more and more. Clearly, I am not to blame for what the medical profession did to me. I may sue.
That is all I can write for now. I have a new bag of chips in the kitchen, and must go.
February 10, 2017
(Note: I believe that if we can't laugh at ourselves, we are indeed lost. I am pretty sure I was a clown in at least one of my past lives, and thus feel it is necessary to let that aspect of who I am find a voice today.)