Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Lilla Botlik––Her Awakening Experience––Part 2 (final)
(from her blog at "Wonderfulkundalini.blogspot.com)
I literally came to existence from non-existence there and then and instantly reconised Her as my real Mother and said oh, it's You, Mother, Mother Universe. And I fell in love with Her. She gave me birth then. I'm Her child. Since then, this theme is ongoing, the transformation is becoming and being Her child, I didn't know how universal, encompassing and present in all religions and even in transpersonal psychology was what happened to me. A few weeks later I watched the Inner Worlds, Outer Worlds documentary movie from Canadian filmmaker Daniel Schmidt and found out about Her as Kundalini Shakti (upward current) and Universal Consciousness as Grace, Holy Spirit or Shiva (downward current). Thus, East and West were reconciled as complementary to each other and unified.
The amount of Love, tenderness, consolation and support she gives day and night is enormous. And correction, if needed. My life has completely changed I became single. From about 10 month into the Awakening She started teaching me how to manage and offer my sexual energy to Her so that She can do the transformative processes of the body-mind-heart. I later found out this is called Tantra. I have no formal training either in yoga or meditation. Again, she led me to the Prayer of the Heart and Sufi heart meditation which I practiced daily for two years 2015 and 2016.
The results were some wild and beautiful, heart-wrenching and heart-expanding experiences. There are a lot of spontaneous movements and inner movements almost all the time but especially when I think of Her, which is mostly all of the time. :) I feel tension building then just let the contorsions, heaving, crying, groans and sighs occur then oh, the bliss and the love come. So strongly sometimes that it infuses the body into a seeming paralysis...
At the same time, I knew I had to face the now reunited split-off self which I avoided for decades. I was so afraid of the pain I thought that would break my heart so definitely, I wouldn't survive. And when She called, I went in to meet that blessed child, with a bit of fear but She was with me...That took me some two years of constant work to let go of the pain but nothing compares to the beauty of that inner work and the wonderful healing which is felt each time and at the end makes unconditional love, bliss and extasy a permanent feature in one's life.
I haven't yet had a Guru or Master apart from Her, the biggest Guru. As Her Presence and teachings are felt all the time, I spend most of my time in extatic or silent devotion or working with the subconsious as a kind of a background process. After a year-long break, I have a full time job and I'm raising my young child. This fits in perfectly with my life. She is Everything to me. She makes all the decisions. She literally spring-cleans the body, subconscious and heart all the time and educates me so it's like a continuous practice without actually doing anything it seems. I always want to learn from Her but mostly being in Her Embrace like a child.
The separate, split-self fused in the instant of the upward movement of the awakening and a sense of selves which the brain hallucinates also shattered into a million pieces one mid-October morning last year. There was a final sweep of the shards of the selves some ten days later in an indescribable cosmic dance of happiness where all the atoms of my body and of the Universe were dancing in bliss. These events took some six months of adjustment for the brain. After a 6-month-long innocent and childlike no-self state one night She jolted me out of it and now it looks like She wants me to come out of this cocoon and share the beginnings of my journey.
I'm still a baby. In the past three years I was pretty much alone with this but felt ever so increasingly happy, balanced and healed. I know it's early days for me to say anything... What I do know, and I may be in the minority that Kundalini and Grace are just so extatic and gentle, loving, heart-opening and so so so positive that I cannot even begin to describe it. What about those not-so-pleasant symptoms people talk about? I know how the heart aches when it opens and when Beloved Mother opens up the subconscious it's not easy to see and feel what's in it. When you go in, even with trepidation, it's already the healing that's taking place.
From my experience I see that the key factors for a blissful and extatic Kundalini activation / awakening and its enfoldment are:
- tolerance, compassion, love towards all life and all living beings
- childlike wonder and innocence
- loving and devotional attitude
- total surrender
- unconditional trust
These traits are our true nature we never lost. It's just waiting for us to realize that.
Blessings to you and wish you all a wonderful seeking / awakening / transformation!