Kundalini Splendor

Lilla Botlik  was born in Hungary but left in her early twenties to move to the UK.  She now lives in Provence, France, and is an IT specialist by profession.   She has graciously offered to let me reprint this account of her beautiful awakening experience.  She is very fortunate in that her transformative journey has been one characterized mainly with ecstasy rather than pain.  This entry is taken from her own blog site at WonderfulKundalini.blogsite.com  She also has a FB page, but her writings on both sites are currently mainly in Hungarian, though she plans to translate them into English in future.  This account is from her blog under the heading "Touch of Grace."  I am reprinting it here just as she has written it without trying to change any typos or occasional misspellings  or other minor errors, for I want it to appear in her own voice.

Our Beloved Kundalini Mother awakened in my body in spring 2014. I was 39. Spontaneously, without having heard about Kundalini or seeking it. Six months prior to the event, I had an urge to make a clean slate. To forgive all hurt and everyone in my life. Which I did. It diddn't matter any more, I felt something was pushing me to let go although I didn't know what. Growing up and just being a human was not easy for me. A separation from my twin sister at the age of 9 due to parental divorce caused me a split of self, PTSD and anxiety - depression, all undiagnosed until I was 30. I felt that I was forever separated from my own self, therefore from everybody else on a deeper level, including my intimate partners. Therefore I was separate from the Universe. 

I felt this separation always. I believed this would never change. I lived a successful life, learned languages, worked in differenct countries in languages and in IT. Things were going well on the outside. A friendly, helpful, kind person. Inside, it was pain, pain, pain and utter despair. I was to smile, or die - I thought. I had continuous suicidal thoughts, at times suicide attempts, general self-hate and the "I do not want to be here" feeling. I was on Prozac on and off for 12 years even before the official diagnosis.

Being very curious from a young age, I was fascinated by the universe and from the age of 12 my quest was to know it. In my teens it was religion then when I abandoned that, I went straight to quantum physics. I was open to everything but as an agnostic. I felt the most honest thing is that I don't know, I cannot know from a limited consciousness and limited senses the Universe at large. Still there was always a childlike wonder at the Universe and how beautiful it is and how it functions, the complexity, the surprises science have about it and the endlessness of it.

Then three months prior to the awakening, the "trances" came immediately after I started listening to a short guided meditation before going to sleep. I had no reference points. I called them trances as I learned a very simple self-hypnosis technique back in 2007 in London from Valerie Austin to help me go to sleep by going into a light trance. Most times, I could only fall aslped if I repeated 'Mom' and thought of my mother as she was the only one who could console me all my life when I was in distress.The trances became deeper.and deeper, even in dayligt, spontaneously or just getting into the mood of it. It was a light that started expanding and enveloped my whole being and often the room and beyond. It had a very relaxing and loving presence. 

The first time I sensed the loving light and presence I asked, why I am here? The answer was: to see and to heal. I thought it was the subconscious that answered. I became happier and happier, started embracing everyone, then all living beings and started to fall in love with something not knowing what. The bliss intensified often culminating in the feeling of floating in the air or flying, extasy, inner orgasm in pelvic area which rose to the heart. I dived in all this. Like a child. Unknowingly, with complete trust. There was never a question raised or wanting to find out what this was. As it was something I never experienced before. It was all I ever dreamed of but thought I could never feel that. 

Without knowing what it was, Grace came one afternoon as I was sitting in my car waiting for my aqua-gym class to start. The Infinite was in my head and said: Closer and pulled me towards It. It was infinitely strong and infinitely tender at once. Then I knew that All is One. Not intellectually but in reality, I became That and everything was THAT. The One, Then it moved to my heart and I felt what Oneness was. Words cannot describe it. Then it moved downwards to my sexual organs and the body physically became ONE with the ONE. Then I felt something move in my genitals.

As it moved, the whole Universe moved with it. It rose up in waves and ondulating movements in my belly, blowing huge energies into each chakra with each feeling like cosmis orgasm and extasy. Then when it arrived in the head, the head exploded everywhere in the universe and the energy in the form of a tornado and with a similar force blew through the fontanelle and exited into the Universe when all of my being and the Universe became one. I was simultaneously conscious of the body and everything else in the universe. It felt infinitely free oh so pure. It was a sort of "I am" everything without the "I", like pure existence, beingness.

The whole event lasted about 15 - 20 minutes. The only thing I knew was that something very transcendental happened. I was in utter love and bliss. I vibrated for a week so much that I became exhausted and after driving home from work I lay on the bed on my stomach and I said: "I don't know what this is, do what you want", then Shakti, the Divine Mother manifested at this instant, the Cosmic Womb, Unisersal Mother as an infinite womb everywhere which looked like wafts of velvety clouds of galaxies in pinks - oranges - purples very much resembling photos of a woman's womb where the baby is growing. I was a baby in that Womb seeing all that and looking down at my belly I noticed a huge, greyish umbilical cord going from under my belly button into Her, the Infinite Cosmos.